Sorry I've been out/ I have a cold

I'm a bit of a fallacy nazi, so I'm not going to poison the well by telling you that James Dobson advocates fathers showering with their toddler sons so as to compare penii. Dobson sees this as a way to impress a masculine identity upon the child and prevent gayness. I am not kidding, look it up yourself.
In all seriousness, I have received a Focus on the Family newsletter meantfor the previous tenant of my apartment. In this letter Dobson seeks to defend himself from a "radical leftist" organization known as Defcon. (Defend the Constitution), that ran ads in major national papers and on television that refered to the connection between Dobson, Ralph Reed, and Tony Perkins with disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff. The ad was based on reporting done by Sidney Blumenthal of the Nation (http://www.thenation.com/doc/20060220/blumenthal) that makes these great defenders of Anglo-Saxon Jesus out to be either stooges of casino interests and/or willing corrupt partners. Apparently, Abramoff convinced Reed to enlist other figures of the Christian Right in a family values campaign against proposed casinos in Louisiana, which just would have happened to be direct competeters of Abramoff's reserVegas clients in Mississippi.
In fairness, it should be pointed out that Abramoff and Reed are, for the moment, the only two figures in this who look really, really, guilty. It may be that Dobson is just an idiot who didn't know what was going on. When one considers how shrewdly he has made himself a grandfatherly, protective figure, however, diving headfirst into political division while portraying himself as above politics (he just wants to protect the kids from teh gay) it's hard to imagine that he would let himself be pimped out so savagely.
Which brings us to the newsletter sitting beside me. Not once in it's 9 pages does Dobson even pretend to appeal to reason, he simply portrays himself as grandad, using phrases like "how is that for viciousness from the far end of the universe". He's protecting your family, you see, therefore anyone who has a problem with his organization is against family and for sacrificing your virgin children to long, black, phallic maypoles. He does not need to prove anything. He represents a universal standard of decency that can only be accepted or rejected. Any attempt to call him out on his B.S. is really a secret pagan assault on this universal decency.
You can visit Defcon's website yourself. You will find no calls for peasent land seizure or reeducation of the capitalists. You will find several quotes from christian-right figures tha make them look like batshit-loco fascists. Bill O'reilly apparently came to Dobson's defense, berating the "liberal media" and the ultra powerful secularists that secretly control the country. The news letter gives Bill a shout-out right after it points out that the attack ads were printed in the "liberal" New York Times, L.A. Times, and Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
It's not until page 4 that the newsletter gets really good. Dobson mentions that Defcon gets much of its money from groups in-wait for it-San Francisco, and additional funding from-duh duh-duh-duh- George Soros. That's right, Satan. Geroge Soros may have done far more than either Reagan or the latest addition to Dead-Pope-Storage to liberate the Soviet Bloc. But he's an athiest!! He wants to legalize the refer!! Any money that comes from him is so very, very filthy. The letter than provides the names, phone numbers, and e-mail addresses of DefCon officials. Read that again, the man who pops up on many small town-tv stations to give friendly, down-home advice on child rearing spends four pages painting these people as political enemies and than prints their contact information so that concerned Christians may harass and intimidate them without having having to leave North Platte.
After this, the letter just drifts into bizarro land. It's like a Shakesperian tragedy where the climax is in the middle and everything that comes after is just the downward spiral. Dobson points out the real reason why the pagan-socialists are out to get him. We want to remove a fearless defender of the family in order to force gay, multiple, and dog/cat marriges upon the country. Dobson than gives the old "activist judges legeslating from the bench" that you can hear on Sean Hannity right now. The "activist judges" argument, of course, is pseudo-populist bullshit meant to disguise the fact that judges are only reacting to complaints from citizens who claim that their peaceful actions are being unfairly restricted. But never mind. Everyone knows that rights are reserved for real Americans. The ones who go to church, get married straight out of college, have six kids, cry at Extreme Home Makeover, and tremble in fear of dark-skinned criminals while eating their triple cheese whoppers. Those who divert from this path claim to be making a "choice" but everybody knows we're really insulting you by not being just like you. Real Americans are entitled to restrict the movements of deviants. This is what "activist judge" is code for.
Sorry if it seems I went off subject, but I didn't. Dobson goes on and on about gay marraige for the entire second half of the letter. The "p.s." of the letter is another comedy classic. Dobson refers to a Cal-Berkley study that found that "whiney toddlers" grew up to be conservative while well-behaved toddlers grew up to be liberals. This should come as no surprise to anyone who observes the voting patterns of whiney adults. (Maybe they had to shower with their dads)Keeping to form, Dobson makes no attempt to tell us why this just has to be wrong. After all, it makes conservatives look bad, and it comes from professors at Berkeley. In the name of karma, let me close by taking Dobson's last line out of context.
"Don't believe everything they try to feed us. It just might be baloney."