Déardaoin, Feabhra 28, 2008

William F. Buckley

"William Francis Buckley was born in Manhattan on Nov. 24, 1925, the sixth of the 10 children of Aloise Steiner Buckley and William Frank Buckley. His parents had intended to name him after his father, but the priest who christened him insisted on a saint’s name, so Francis was chosen." From today's NY times.

Yup, that's right, Buckley's parents were good Catholics who LET THEIR PRIEST TELL THEM WHAT TO NAME THEIR OWN FUCKING SON.

It does reveal quite a hell of a lot, doesn't it? I mean here we have a boy who could have accepted the fact that he was spawned from voluntary slaves; or he could have spent his life trying to destroy that portion of society which doesn't live on its knees.

And no good Catholic boy goes against his parents.

Fuck the church.

What was I talking about?

English Lesson of the Day

"Mad as a March Hare", a phrase common in the early 20th century in reference to one who is particularly eccentric or unstable, refers to the Southwestern Desert March Hare, known for its tendency to drink twice its weight in fortified wine, call its ex-girlfriend to blame her for its personal failures, and threaten suicide if she doesn't come back.

Dé Luain, Feabhra 25, 2008

Boy Scouts

I've been thinking of the Boy Scouts refusal to allow homosexuals in their ranks lately. I'm not sure why, but I think it's the similarity to Catholicism, the inherent contradiction of an institution that is both authoritarian and homophobic.

Because look, I know I'm beating a Mr. Heartland horse here, but if you think that respect for authority and reverence for tradition are good and necessary things that must be taught to children; you're probably gay. One cannot love a great father without, at some point in life, having loved a big daddy.

Robert-Baden Powell, the British war hero who founded the Scouts, was known to take photos of his early charges while they swam in the nude. When he was 55 he married a girl of 23 named Olive St. Clair Soames who kept her hair short and enjoyed wearing military-style uniforms. The psychological pain Powell suffered as a result of their close-eyed, as-many-clothes-kept-on-as-possible sex caused him serious health problems until the couple had produced sufficient heirs and he was able to take a separate bedroom.

I just thought I'd mention.

There's a movement about to legally force the Boy Scouts to accept homosexuals, and while this is well-meaning, the fact is that sexual repression and denial are the essential pillars of scouting and that the organization would cease to be without them.

So no, I can't support the movement to integrate the Scouts. What I will do is strongly advise you against signing your children on to this cute little fascist dress-up game and promise myself that no theoretical child of mine will ever be a poor deluded Boy Scout.

I'd rather see my son as an alter boy. At least then he can get raped indoors, with running water and all of the comforts of modern civilization.

Déardaoin, Feabhra 21, 2008

I had a Friend Once

Who insisted that Steve Winwood's "Give me Some Lovin" was about running a drug house based on the lines "but you better take it easy/this place is hot."

He's in the pen now.

Dé Céadaoin, Feabhra 20, 2008

Some Quick thoughts on Mrs. Obama

I myself am not proud of America. For this I make no apologies. I have the same instinctive love for my home that everyone else has but I feel no need to sanctify it. We do not love our country because we believe it is good any more than we love our families because we believe it is good. We love these things because we love ourselves, that is all. There is no nobility to it nor is there any need for nobility. I believe that I have some moral obligation to leave the society I was born into better off when I leave it, but I firmly disagree with the idea that it is necessary for me to believe that I am working on behalf of an inherently good society in order to inspire myself to do so.

Let's be very clear. Those who believe that pride is inherently good are moral cowards and emotional weaklings. If you are unable to act for the common good without the stimulant of pride, that is your problem. Do not assume that the rest of humanity shares it.

The talk-radio knuckleheads are of course taking Michelle Obnama's quote and running with it. Hannity, O'Reilly, and et. al. will usually take a minute to say of course this country isn't perfect but.... and than the predictible claptrap about how it is impossible to criticize society without directly insulting each individual therein, (Especially, of course, the respectible, mainstream families of America's suburbs.) and how a failure to take pride in the nation is to reject the polio vaccine, the defeat of Hitler, the moon landing, the internet, the fall of the Berlin wall, etc.

Pride has never been the solution to any problem, and never will be. The only way problems get solved is to focus on what is wrong with us, to embrace the muck in utter defiance of that old closeted psychopath Teddy Roosevelt.

I'm Josh Beran. I am not proud to be an American, and you all can eat my dick.

Dé hAoine, Feabhra 15, 2008

John Stuart Mill Knew his Shit

"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives."

Conservatives will often try to pass themselves off as the true populists due to the mean ivory-tower liberals who use big words like "rhetorical fallacy" or "willfully obtuse." Liberals are often derided for our apparent scorn of the "common people*" out of touch with the "real America*"

* Please note that the "real America" is restricted to settlements of fewer than 100,000 people and their environs, while the honorific "common people"is restricted to high-school educated substance level workers (WHITE!/oh shush you) who begin producing multiple children in their teens and early twenties. Please note that approximately three-fourths of the American population are ineligible to be either common people or part of the real America.

Part of this contempt for simple thinkers is nothing but snobbery, and I am as guilty of that as many others. But is this contempt completely unjustified? Are we to accept the more amusing conservative beliefs as valid simply because they are honestly and sincerely felt? More to the point, are liberals justified in considering ourselves smarter than conservatives? This is not for me to say. I can not give an unbiased judgment on the matter, and in all likelihood neither can anyone else. All I can do is point out the following.

* If you honestly believe that their was no crystal meth problem in the Midwest before the Mexicans came, you are probably a conservative.

* If you also believe that said Mexicans (Yes yes, you have nothing against LEGAL immigrants, nobody's buying it.) are nothing but a horde of leprosy-addled pedophiles in league with Al-Quida, Fidel Castro, and Magua, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think having to press 1 for English is an unprecedented corruption of cultural purity, you are probably a conservative; and you seriiiiousssly need to get out and see a city larger than Lincoln or Omaha.

* But only if you are able to do so without being so terrified of the teeming hordes or rapists, murderers, and junkies known to inhabit the big city that you are unable to notice or appreciate anything. If this proves too much for you, you are almost certainly a conservative.

* If you believe that global warming is nothing but a massive conspiracy involving the entire scientific and academic worlds to take away your automopenis, you are probably a conservative.

* If you believe that, since World War II was justified, every war the U.S. chooses to fight forevermore magically becomes World War II, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that the East Coast is being rent asunder by roving gangs of pink-pistol bearing Lesbians, you are probably a conservative.

* Yes I know, we all wish it were true.

* If you think that anyone wearing a T-shirt bearing an Arabic phrase should be kicked off a plane; since we all know that Arabic is a language composed of nothing but terrorist threats, with no words for things like "tree", "sunlight", "house" or "lunch" (To say these things the Arab must revert to a degraded form of English, the true language of God) you are probably a conservative.

* The actual language of God is of course Latin. But then if you're able to read at all you certainly already knew this.

*If you think that Christmas would be utterly ruined by the removal of the three-dollar, blow-job-faced angels surrounding the courthouse wall, you are probably a conservative.

*Indeed, if you believe in an emotionally weak God who would be utterly shattered without the official approval of your government; definitely a conservative.

* Remember the old Pentagon story about Pat Tillman single-handedly holding off the Taliban for two hours before he ran out of ammunition? If you saw nothing funny about this story, if you honestly believe that one American has the strength of fifty foreigners and that our military is composed of a million pocket Roland's, you are probably a conservative.

* If you still don't know that Tillman was a Chomsky-admiring atheist who opposed the Iraq War, you are almost certainly a conservative.

* If you think that a tax hike (on anything, for any reason, ever) is a bigger threat to your liberty than making social pariahs and bogeymen out of those who question authority, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that would-be dictators are obsessed with taking your guns; when they have in fact removed any need for doing so by taking your brain, you are probably a conservative.

* If you know nothing about the nation of France beyond their recent losing streak to the Germans, (Such as why elitist, freedom-hating Americans tend to move there whenever your ilk take over) you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that Ted Nugent has been able to achieve an erection at any point in the past thirty-five years, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that a country-music singer who loves Jesus and America to the point of conflating the two is a "rebel" for drinking himself to death, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that Hillary Clinton is a two-faced, loud-mouthed bulldyke bitch-cunt; but you have no problem with powerful women and don't-I-dare say you do, you are probably a conservative.

* If you think that Barrack Obama is secretly a Muslim, or if you ever believed that baby-sacrificing Satanic pedophiles were running loose in your town, you are probably a conservative. (Seriously, you're in church eight times a week, you should have some idea how hard it would be to secretly practice a religion.)

* If you have ever even considered taking John Wayne seriously, at all, well enough for now.

You see what I'm getting at here. It's not that there aren't left-wingers who believe dumb things. I'll grant you the 9-11 truthers and the Kennedy conspiracy theorists. (Though, in all honesty, the JFK theories aren't all that stupid until you get into shot by the driver without anyone noticing/secret Freemason ritual territory, and this is really politically neutral lunacy isn't it?) It's just that there aren't nearly so many stupid beliefs that are considered acceptable within the liberal mainstream. The logical leap that the conservative must make in order to believe himself both divinely-ordained master of the universe and terribly put-upon victim is truly sublime. I have a powerful lust for the day when we can vote these knuckleheads out of power. Than we won't have to worry about having the nation's nuclear arsenal in the hands of children and we can all sit back and laugh at the joke that American conservatism has become.

Déardaoin, Feabhra 14, 2008

Valentine's Day.

My last girlfriend got angry when she told me not to buy her anything for Valentine's day and I did anyway.

The one before that got angry when she told me not to buy her anything for Valentine's Day and I took her at her word.

It's a terribly strange pretense for a holiday. Romantic relationships are not inherently good, nor are they necessarily of any benefit to society at large. The idea that "having somebody" is more likely to lead to happiness than remaining single is Puritanism, nothing more. At any rate, couples do have their own personal anniversary's. It's very much like having a personal birthday for one self and than having a big public "Life Day" or some such nonsense.

To sum things up as politely as possible; a woman who takes Valentine's Day seriously is a bigger turnoff than AIDS.

Dé Máirt, Feabhra 05, 2008

Interstate Batteries Presents Lent

Don's know how old this is, it's still first-time funny for me.