Dé Máirt, Meitheamh 29, 2010

World Cup

I'm sure it's the American in me, but I thought Paraguay/Japan was a good game. I really do prefer watching two pretty good but not great teams futilely having at each other over watching a great team murder a weak team with a series of beautiful goals.

Which is also why I'm glad that Spain beat Portugal. The seven that the Portuguese put past North Korea were the only ones they scored in the cup. This is a squad that was unable to do anything against anyone besides the weak, and that just offends my sensibilities; and I appreciate the Spanish for being both willing to attack good teams and be able to beat them; though they did take a couple of unbecoming dives today, which I suppose is better than the brawls or riots that are known to break out when next-door rivals play each other.

No games until Friday now. How odd.

Dé Luain, Meitheamh 28, 2010

I Have Bronchitis

A little woozy but fine thanks.

Neither World Cup game today was particularly interesting, but the game between Holland and Brazil should be, unless Brazil has just reached a level of crazy unbeatable good, which is possible. I expected them to beat Chile but not 3-nil. Nice.

But though the game was a blowout, the scene in the Nebraska Union was still a hoot. Foreign students gathered around some homies' laptop to here the game announced in their own language, the variations on "goaloaloaloaloal" heard from announcers across the globe, the Asian girl playing Meatloaf's "Bat out of Hell" on Youtube. Can't hate on the Aday man.

Dé Domhnaigh, Meitheamh 27, 2010

World Cup Notes

About our defeat I have nothing to say except; oh God damnit, God damnit so much.

I did tell you we weren't that good didn't I? Godamnit so much.

I see that Germany tore England apart while I was sleeping through Sunday morning. Good; fuck England. The English are never as good as their fans or their media think they are but still it's been a long time since they've gotten fucked up like this. I did see that they had a wrongly disallowed goal that they can latch on to as the reason they lost by three goals. Good for them. The English have never truly deserved to lose you understand, they only ever do because of the dark conspiring of a vengeful world. This game is still your personal possession England, hold on to that thought and don't ever let reality get in the way.

Goddamnit so much.

And finally Mexico, the last Concacaf team, needs to make a big comeback against Argentina, or more likely get torched the fuck out themselves. I'll cheer for them to pull off the miracle, come what may. Who else am I going to cheer for now after all?

Dé hAoine, Meitheamh 25, 2010


Chill the fuck out already! Team USA has a decent bracket, and this is probably the best chance we've ever had to make the semis in the modern era. But just what the hell is that worth? South Korea is the only team out of the four in our pod that I would give us better than half a chance of beating. In fact, now the you my imaginary friend have asked about that:

Chance of Team USA beating ---- (According to nothing more than the subjective mind of Joshua D. Beran)

Ghana: 50%
South Korea: 58%
Uruguay: 44%

We ain't all that yet compadres.

Last of The Group Games.

And thank God, as it turns out. Brazil and Portugal played ball a little bit but overall were basically happy with the scoreless draw. Spain and Chile started out good, with Chile going down two goals and a man before pulling one back, but than went and pulled a mini-Gijon with each other over the last fifteen minutes. This is Switzerland's fault in the end, the team that beat the co-favorites in their first game but couldn't beat a mathematically dead Honduras today. So at the end of their game Chile gets the message that the Swiss needed two goals in the last ten minutes (to beat Chile out GD) and that they looked not remotely capable of getting them; and so lo there was philiad among the nations.

Of course, the fact that today's results set up two regional derbies; Brazil vs. Chile and Spain vs. Portugal, teams that all involver would love to play and beat on this stage, probably also had something to do with their decisions to lay back. I can understand, but I don't have to like it.

In other Cup news, it's wooden Spoon time!

25. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
26. Italy: 2 pts. -1 GD
27.Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
28.Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
29. France: 1 pt. -3 GD (1 GS)
30.Honduras:1 pt. -3 GD (0 GS)
31.Cameroon:0 pts. -3 GD
32.No.Korea:0 pts.-11 GD

North Korea's three losses and negative eleven goal difference make them officially the worst World Cup team since Saudi Arabia in 2002. I would write something snarky about that here, but there is very little doubt that all of those men are going to die. They and their entire extended families are all going to hellishly die. And I am no monster to joke of that.

Déardaoin, Meitheamh 24, 2010

Congrats Japan!

Yeah, that's right, I went to cliche town. But You know, some things are cliches merely beacuse they never stop being funny.

Sic Semper Circumvenios!!

Slovakia 3-Italy 2

Seriously though, this is insane. I believe this is only the second time that the defending champion has gone out in the group stage, the other time being France in 02, though France has always had the tendency to go from very good to kind of shitty in a stunningly short amount of time, even with the same core group of players. This is different, this is Italy. This is the country that would be on top of the world soccer mountain if they had won the shootout against Brazil in 94; and even though this team was getting pretty old, shit like this simply doesn't happen to Italy, ever.

And damn what a game too! Four out of the give goals came in the last twenty five minutes, with the last two coming within seconds of each other in the last five. Once Italy went down by two and had no choice but to go on balls-out attack they showed themselves to be perfectly capable of doing so, why they actually, prefer to play such a hyperdefensive, melodramatic, conniving, diving and temper-baiting style... well there's been theories written on that which make sense to me, and in this particular cup at least they got burned for playing that way.

Though I can't cheer too hard for the uppity peons who broke away from their rightful Bohemian masters, they'll have to play the Dutch in the second round, and I don't see them getting any further than that; but maybe, they played their hearts out today.

On a side note, maybe this is a sign that their shouldn't be any more World Cups in Europe. There were some snickers that 'giving' a tournament to Africa was an act of political correctness, but really the action does seem to be better when played away from the power centers and the weight of home crowd expectations. I think the combination of Western-style rationality and nationalism is bad for the game, leading to something akin to a World War I reenactment on the pitch; dirty and brutal, and it tends to reward the most dour and Machiavellian teams, Italy hoisting the cup in 06 being of course the obvious example.

But anyway, since Italy has now only failed to advance but finished last in their group, how do they compare to the other fourth-place teams in the ultimate battle for the bottom? Well, they're going to crack the top thirty I'm afraid.

16. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
17. Italy: 2 pts. -1 GD
18.Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
19.Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
20. France: 1 pt. -3 GD

Dé Céadaoin, Meitheamh 23, 2010

More World Cup Notes

So it's Ghana for us in the second round, a chance I guess to get revenge for being knocked out by them in 06, but not really. We played like shit in general during that cup, (with the odd exception of a good fighting draw against the eventual winners) were outplayed by the Ghanaians in that game, and while it's true there was a controversial call that went against us, we still deserved to lose it.

And in regards to controversial calls there is some grumbling that we Yankees are especially persecuted in that regard, that the disallowed goals against Slovenia and Algeria are part of a conspiracy spawned by the wider worlds resentment of American power and wealth. Though one can never say never, this is probably bullshit, and the persecution claims probably have more to do with jingoism than any real plot against us.

The truth is that bad calls happen in every sport, and with the low-scoring nature of this game, it's simply an unfortunate fact that bad calls have a greater chance of affecting the outcome; and though FIFA has repeatedly instructed referees to give the benefit of the doubt to the attack on questionable goals, it seams that the low-scoring nature of the game has affected their psychology. They simply can't seem to shake the feeling that allowing an iffy goal is more "activist" than disallowing it.

Certainly it would have been less stressful for us if we had gotten the win against Slovenia and the early Dempsey goal against Algeria that we deserved. It would have been great to rack up 7 points and record for prosperity that we have indeed been one of the best teams of the tournament at this early stage; but as of right now I am wholly unwilling to trade that for the ecstasy of Donovan saving us from oblivion, and I don't think I ever will be. We've made it. We have topped the group and so in practical terms done as well for ourselves as we possibly could have.

In other news, they keep a total table for everyone in the cup you know, first through thirty second. I'm not sure why, given that the structure of the tournament, eight knockout groups followed by a single-elimination bracket, means that its not only possible but common for a team with a better record to officially finish lower than a team that lucked out in the group stage, "won" a game or two on penalties, and so made it a round further. But it's interesting all the same, so I guess that might be why they do it.

So with the third set of group games now halfway through, here's a look at how the last-place finishers in groups A-D compare in the race for the wooden spoon.

13. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
14. Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
15. Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
16. France: 1 pt. -3 GD

Cameroon, North Korea, and Honduras still have a chance to go for the gold and lose all three games. Though I'm probably not alone in cheering for France to come out on top in this race after their twelve days of weak-ass nonsense. Should be a thrill.


The game was three hours ago now, I'm still so fucking happy!

Dé Máirt, Meitheamh 22, 2010

In Other News

I caught a glimpse of one of the network morning shows today, CBS I think, doing a segment on the supposed plague of "sexting". The so-called expert they had on there was adament in her assertion that 'sexting is real', by which I assume she meant a real problem and not a moral panic.

I remember last year when my father gave my number to a cousin I hadn't spoken to in years, (and had no particular desire to speak to) and had her send me a text. When I asked him about it later he explained that he 'knew I liked texting.' which; no, not especially. I do text. It's one of many forms of electronic communication availible to me. I text or I call or I e-mail, it's all the same. Still my father is amazed by my ability to type letters on a phone pad, using the same letter system that phones have had since long before texting or cell phones, (enabling such wonders as 1900-SEXY-TALK and whatnot) Dad is convinced that there is such a thing as a specific "texting phone", and that I have one.

So I've seen first-hand the fascination with new ways of talking to each other; the anxiety, the sense of objective novelty, the ascribing of mystical power. Most of us know about the Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" kerfuffle and maybe about the fears of commies sending subliminal commands through black-and-white televisions.

It's no surprise really that American anxiety towards new media would be expressed as good old fashioned puritanism; fear of sex and what kids are up to these days, the fear that junior is using the computer to look at the porno. You've probably heard that one out of five children is solicited by a predator online; proven bullshit, still it's held as common sense fact and serves to fuel the Constitution-busting pedophiles-under-the-bed hysteria.

The relevent question in regards to sexting is not whether or not it is 'real', it's something that I myself have done, so its existense is solipsism-proof, at least to me. The question is whether lovers sending erotic messages to each other in whatever medium is in any way remarkable.

And while there is such a thing as lovers who are too young to be lovers, this has absolutely nothing to do with the latest form of magic talking box, and so the answer to the question is; no, of course not.

World Cup

The final set of simultaneous group games is the best part of the tournament, as far as I'm, concerned, especially when watching teams that haven't yet qualified and have only partial control of their own fates. They have no way of knowing precisely what they have to do and so, regardless of the situation in their own games, they have no choice but to ignore cold pragmatism and just go. It's the only scenario in which you'll see disciplined grinders like South Korea play an end-to-end 2-2 tie that could have been 4-4. Funny how the rat-bastardness of "Nichtangriffspakt von Gijón"* ended up gracing soccer fans with the most interesting phenomenon in sports.

(* I'll let wikipedia do the explaning for me, if you don't know. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Germany_v_Austria_(1982) Suffice here to say that, while England and ourselves would prefer to top group C and so avoid Germany, Algeria would probably love to have a shot at them. And I wouldn't begrudge them that if worse comes to worse for us.)

So Uruguay vs. South Korea and Argentina vs. Mexico are the first official second-round matchups. I think the South American teams will win both, and continue the odd trend of playing as if they have the home-continent advantage while the African teams flounder. Maybe it's more of a 'home hemispheric winter' advantage?

Dé Luain, Meitheamh 21, 2010

World Cup

Okay, so North Korea did get fucked up by somebody eventually. The 66 team that beat Italy and posted the best ever-finish for an Asian team outside of Asia got the gulag treatment as punishment for being knocked out by the third-place team. Jump out of your hotel windows and make a run for it while you can boys.

The last round of games in Group H will be very interesting. If Spain (the team I picked to win it all back in December if I remember right) is held to a draw by a very good Chile team, than a Switzerland win would knock them out. Even if they do win that missed penalty by David Villa and a whole host of other shoulda been goals could come back to haunt them, as a second place group finish would probably set up a premature matchup with Brazil in the second round.

Though Portugal looked fully capable of beating Brazil in the early game, so who knows?

The Latest From Hairspray Woman

A couple of weeks ago there were several fliers around downtown Lincoln and the UNL campus. regarding Spanish drug use, U-Hauls being used for government surveillance, and the benefits of hairspray in keeping "them" away. They were put there by a fiftyish woman who is always dressed in a pink outfit, blue overcoat, and white visor. The look of perpetual terror on her face would seem to indicate that she is perfectly sincere in her beliefs and not some sort of performance artist. Here is her latest.

"AMSTERDAM'S HEALTH OFFICIALS EXTERMINATE thousands of Netherlanders in hospitals for not using drugs without advance directive papers. Obama's feds do the same.

their head. In 1624 when the last of the Moslems left Europe there were no more
burning of women. The 19 Moslems that crashed into two building at 9/11 had a
Moslem voice in each of their heads. In the 8th century when the Moors went into Spain a nice Saint Oriaf brought those afflicted with voices into a church and they got well.

Don't go to a psych unit if you hear voices; they might exterminate you. Use hair spray. Wear a rosary on head, neck and undies and stay in church. Use yogurt as lotion, scalp and meals, garlic on the body, honey on head, Listerine in mouth and spray. Put white crosses on entryway of rooms and buildings and on forehead, top of a page and with your name in it as they did in 999 AD. It really helps.

Dé Domhnaigh, Meitheamh 20, 2010

In other news

Does singing along to Concrete Blond's "Joey" while on a wine drunk make me gay?

World Cup Notes

I sure many people remember the "U-R-Gay" joke from 'The Simpsons', but how many are aware that Paraguay translates into American as 'with Gay'?, as in, supportive of gay. Let this be a lesson for anyone who didn't think that Latin American 'culture' isn't awash with homosexuals and supporters of the radical homosexual agenda, as if it could possibly be otherwise in any society awash in soccer, cocaine, and so-called men sporting gigantic permed ponytails.

In other news, Italy was held to a surprise draw again today, by a New Zealand team that qualified by beating four countries with a combined population of just over one million and two hundred thirty three thousand, which would be about two-thirds the population of Nebraska, or less than one-third the population of metro Rome.

Still the Italians should be fine, and they've done this kind of thing before. At USA 94 they were part of the first and only group in which all four teams finished 1-1-1, and Italy was placed third after tiebreakers sorted the teams out. Lucky for them it was a 24 team tournament in those days, so that the four "best" third-place finishers in their groups advanced to the knockout stage. So Italy made it to the bracket and went all the way to the final from there.

In addition to the money to be had in getting bigger and better, it was incidents like that which led FIFA to expand the World Cup field to 32 teams for 98 and beyond, so that only that only the top two from each group advanced and squads would go in knowing that they would probably have to win at least one game to move on. Its no coincidence that the 90 and 94 cups, (and 86 to a lesser extent, at least until Maradona lit it up) were considered brutally defensive, while since the expansion things have improved a little bit.

Dé Sathairn, Meitheamh 19, 2010

World Cup

Well I noticed (But did not see, 6:30 AM American Central time, hell naw) that Germany lost yesterday partly due to a missed penalty kick, which is the sort of Cardinal fuckup that Germans never make, still I think they'll be fine.

African teams continue to falter on their home continent, Ghana could only tie a ten-man Australia, and Cameroon is the first team to lose any chance of making the knockout phase. The favoritism shown towards Australia on ESPN was pretty blatant. If they think we Yankees consider other English-speaking peoples to be blood brothers or something I think they've got it wrong, the Limeys, Aussies, and Aparthies are only slightly less Socialist than the rest of the rabble that makes up the rest of the world, so far as we're concerned.

Dé hAoine, Meitheamh 18, 2010

World Cup, (After ALL That)

Okay, first the group C table:

Slovenia: 4 pts; GD: +1
USA* 2 0
England 2 0
Algeria 1 -1

* second on goals scored

So, the scenario is, we need a win against Algeria, or a draw and a Slovenia win over England, or a draw and a draw between Slovenia and England in which the teams don't score more than two more goals than we do in our theoretical draw with Algeria.

The most likely scenario, (I think, these things are getting more and more tenative) is that USA and England both win by a goal, we actually still have a good shot to even top the group.

But the hell with all of the maybies, beat Algeria and we're in, beat the team that not just 'held' the third ranked team in the world to a draw but solidly outplayed them in the first half. No fucking problem.

Still I'm optimistic. The USMNT under Bob "No I'm not dying of AIDS, why do you ask?" Bradley knows how to score, which is something new for us. We also have a knack for playing American style 'playoff' futbol, coming to life when our backs are against the wall, as witnessed in last years Confederations Cup, a couple of barely averted disasters in the WC qualifiers, and of course today against Slovenia. Plus there's the fact that we beat Egypt 3-0 at the Confed Cup, while Algeria needed to beat them in a nuetral-ground playoff in the qualifiers after deadlocking on points and all tiebreakers. It means nothing now I know.

If nothing else we can say that our team played in what was easily the best game played in the entire tournament so far, if Germany and Brazil played that kind of game in the Semifinals it would be talked about for years, and if England has another flop against Slovenia, this little number surely will be...


World Cup: Koman Coulibaly


Déardaoin, Meitheamh 17, 2010

World Cup


Home-continent advantage continues to not exist. Nigeria is the first team to not just lose to Greece in the World Cup but to give up a goal to them.

Thought there does seem to be a home hemisphere advantage for the South American teams (5 wins, 2 draws, no losses) perhaps caused by not having to endure the sudden change from northern summer to southern winter.

Dé Céadaoin, Meitheamh 16, 2010

World Cup

Okay, so South Africa is fucking dead. That's shame, always better when the home crowd is partying.

Cat Power

I've been having dreams lately.

World Cup Notes

Didn't see either of the Group H openers but, holy shit, what's up Switzerland?!

It is funny how the draw lined up formerly hegemonic European powers with their old American colonies isn't it? (England and USA, Portugal and Brazil, Spain, Honduras and Chile.)

Okay, so Brazil didn't "fuck up" North Korea, and good for the NKs! If they keep playing eight defenders they might play spoiler to either Pourtugal or Ivory Coast, (aka the Black Keys, damn I'm clever)as far as advancing to the next round themselves, forget about it, their goal came on the only shot of theirs that wasn't cartoonishly awful. Though sometimes that works I guess.

I've heard the NK's 'fans' are actually Chinese actors, and their 'celebration' of Ji
's goal made it perfectly clear that this was the case. A real goal celebration is something like an orgasm mixed with a mass street brawl, while whoever it was in the stands wearing NK's colors looked more like the 8-bit sea of faces found in Tecmo Bowl or RBI baseball, the ones who would express excitement by opening their mouths so wide that they swallowed themselves into oblivion.

Dé Máirt, Meitheamh 15, 2010

World Cup Notes

Congrats to New Zealand for getting a point, it's all they're going to get at this stage, probably ever.

If Ivory Coast v. Portugal ends scoreless like it looks like it's gonna; well Brazil is in their group, so only one of them is going through to the bracket. Probably it's going to come down to who can steal a draw from Brazil or who can beat up on North Korea the worst. I'm sticking with the Black Ivories.

Brazil is going to fuck up NK bad. Real bad. Do not doubt this.

Dé Luain, Meitheamh 14, 2010

World Cup Notes

The home culture advantage for the Black African teams isn't as strong as I figured it'd be so far. Japan got its first ever WC win sans home field against a Cameroon team that's usually pretty good. Go figure.

Holland looked very good in its first game, as usual, and will likely get its heart torn out in either the quarters or the semis, as usual.

Italy came back to tie Paraguay, which is typical for the Andiens, they usually hang tough against the elite teams but have never quite broken through. I remember the 98 cup, where they held a French team that went on to win it all to a 0-0 draw until the last minute of overtime. Poor bastards.

HP Lovecraft was a right-wing WASP supremacist you know. The entire Cthulhu mythos is based on the premise that trying to understand the 'exotic', instead of dismissing it as evil out of hand, is the way to madness. Certainly a poisonous moral to what is nonetheless a great series of stories.

I bring this up here because of G. Gordon Liddy's comment on the origin of soccer, "Whatever happened to American exceptionalism?" "this game ... originated with the South American Indians and instead of a ball, they used to use the head, the decapitated head, of an enemy warrior." http://mediamatters.org/research/201006110040

That's not exactly true of course. In fact soccer as we know know it today evolved in England, the land of Whitey to the Whiteys. It was there that the first soccer league, first written rules, and first governing association for the game all developed. Perhaps Liddy thinks that South Americans invented the games because they're so good at it; indeed the story of how various peoples in the global south learned the game from their colonial 'masters' and then proceeded to become as good or better than them at it is one of the epic tales of the modern age. It is in fact a great point of consternation among the jingos and xenophobes of Europe. People who rightfully should be the blood brothers of American wingnuts if only our assholes weren't so damned myopic.

But still I remember my Lovecraft, so in the interest of the national unity needed to beat Slovenia I'll allow Liddy to hold to his amusing delusion, allow him to live in his fantasy world where a handful of Caucoid warriors fight for their rightful dominion against a world full of effete commie savages. While it's true that an alternate universe as hateful, violent, and soul-crushing as Liddy's might not be yours or my idea of escape, it's certainly exciting as all hell. It is highly doubtful that this man has ever felt bored in his life.

American conservatives have long worried that the USA's gradual warming to soccer will cause us to lose our distinct national identity. Yet if they only had the slightest knowledge of football culture, how rivalries between clubs touch on all of the classic points of human hatred and division; race, religion, class, they would surely fall harder for the game than any Latin immigrant or urban hipster.

Take soccer in the UK for example, (Which is, after all, the foreign country that doesn't really count as foreign to the Right. I mean it isn't as not foreign as Israel, not anymore, but it's still special.) The British soccer world is one in which the Falklands War is still going strong, the War against Germany has just now reached an uneasy ceasefire, and the struggle of non-Anglo British Islanders for autonomy from London is pretty well guaranteed to last until the end of time. It is a world where love for one's own people is perfectly indistinct from hatred of everyone else. And this is just in Britain, one will find the same eternal tribal warfare in most any soccer community in any country. And let's not forget that this is sports we're talking about, a realm where entities exist for the express purpose of opposing and seeking supremacy over each other. It is in short everything that the right-wing heart finds good and decent in the world, if they only had a clue, but at least they have their Cthulhus.

World Cup Notes

Paraguay is leading Italy at halftime, which raises the question of how many degrees of the Paraguayans female relations will be called whores before one of them takes the bait, throws a punch, and gets kicked out. Fell free to comment and guess. Guess correctly and you might win a prize.

First Degree: (Daughters, Mothers, Wives, Sisters)
Second Degree: (Grandaughters, Grandmothers, Nieces, sisters-in-law)
Third Degree: (First Cousins, Grandaughters or Grandmothers-in-law)
Further Still???

Bring it home Paraguay. Do it vicariously for Messi and Zidane and everyone else who got fucked over by Italian thug bullshit.

This Woman Pushing a Baby Stroller

She looked to be in her late forties or early fifties, so I assume this was a grandchild she was pushing. The important thing though is that she was wearing a long t-shirt and probably, possibly, very short shorts, so that it looked as if she was walking down 27th street without any pants at all.

So I'm sure she caught me staring at her ass, not out of attraction mind you, at least nothing beyond the dull allure of the perfectly filthy and forbidden. No, I was just staring and thinking that, surely she has to have something on under there, doesn't she?

Dé Domhnaigh, Meitheamh 13, 2010

World Cup Notes

Group C Table

Slovenia: 3 pts, gd + 1
England: 1 0
USA: 1 0
Algeria: 0 - 1

Maximum # of points needed for USA to advance: 6
Minimum # of points needed: 3

Best Case (Plausible) scenario for next round of group C Games:
USA beats Slovenia by two goals
England and Algeria tie

Most Likely Scenario:
USA beats Slovenia by one goal
England beats Algeria by three goals

Other Thoughts:

The games against Slovenia and Algeria will both be tense and grim

Man but Australia got fucked up bad.

Dé Sathairn, Meitheamh 12, 2010

World Cup Notes

First a quick rundown on the work ahead for team USA

Maximum # of Points (3 for a win, 1 for a tie) needed to advance: 7
Minumum # of Points needed to advance: 3

In all likelihood, five points would be enough to advance, while seven points would almost certainly be enough to win the group and, assuming that Germany doesn't get upset in Group D, avoid the Huns in the round of 16.

Best Case (Plausible) Scenario for first round of Group C Games:

USA beats England by a goal
Algeria and Slovenia tie

Most Likely Scenario for first round of Group C Games

England beats USA by a goal
Algeria and Slovenia tie

Other World Cup Thoughts:

I still think South Africa wins their group. Everyone says that they're the worst home team since the USA in 94 and that's probably true, but nobody else in Group A is all that either. The France/Uruguay game looked like a couple of hungover Serie B sides pecking about.

I must also question the wisdom of Uruguay deliberately playing for the 0-0 draw. The notion that France is the group favorite is based on historical reputation, not recent form. I think the South Americans are mistaken if they think the win they'll eventually need will come any easier against either Mexico or the RSA, and more to the point, playing for a scoreless draw is pussy bullshit.

On similar lines, the USA has no reason not to go all out for a win today. Mainly, as I said before, because Germany is in the opposite group. I have faith that we'll come out from our own end and play ball.

Seriously Henry? Seriously man? No, no, no, seriously man?

Maradona is looking quite pimp I must say. Not that coke-addled Marxists ever offended me in the least, maybe you're stuck up that way but I can only speak for myself.

Finally I would like to mention that I'm happy the Cornhuskers are leaving the league of snake-dancing Yahoos for the Big Ten. I'm feeling more civilized already.

Déardaoin, Meitheamh 10, 2010

Dissecting Victoria Jackson

Read the full article here...

"I was sitting in Church-Lady Helen’s living room. Someone commented on the illegal immigration problem. I said, “For some strange reason our government doesn’t know that illegal immigration is illegal.” Pious Helen stuck her nose in the air and proudly declared, “I never discuss politics.”

I felt like I’d just been punched in the face.

Is it a sin to watch the news? Maybe it’s okay to watch it, but not to talk about it."

"I felt like I'd just been punched in the face." This line right here is the essence of all forms of chauvinism; racism, sectarianism, sexism, etc. most people agree that it is simple courtesy to avoid talking about controversial subjects in front of neighbors or acquaintances, or even close friends if it makes them uncomfortable, especially if you are they're guest. But Jackson is the sort who believes that her Christianity makes her a cosmic aristocrat. It is the duty of others to be polite to her, not hers to be polite to them. So to suggest that she is subject to the same bonds of common courtesy as everyone else is tantamount to a personal attack, it is like punching her in the face.

"I was sitting in the pew of my old church, sucking on a Coffee Nip, 30 calories, and mentally calculating my caloric intake of the day….so far, I had about 970 calories left for the day if I was to lose 20 pounds by…I focused on the sermon again."

Note the casual association between participating in a ritual of her culture's dominant religion and maintaining what her culture considers to be a proper womanly figure. Moralists of old surely would have scolded Jackson for worrying about her figure in the house of God, but really there is no contradiction here. The submissions to Christ and calorie counting are part of the same overwhelming drive to be normal; to maintain the same aura of normality from which Jackson derives her sense of entitlement.

The trouble here is, with the exception of a few sociopaths, everybody conforms at some level, even self-styled rebels like myself. But at the same time there is no one who conforms perfectly to the imagined norms of their society. And the main reason for this is that it is impossible, because to attempt to do so is the exist at the opposite and equal extreme from a sociopath. One whose every waking thought is focused on maintaining normality and stamping out deviancy will be considered just as freakish by society as any rambling vagrant. It goes without saying that those who are obsessed with being normal can't bear this feeling of being outsiders, so they respond with anger and confoundment, comfort themselves with the notion that society fails to reward them only because it has been polluted by gays or Socialists or Jews, and wait breathlessly for a tyrant who promises to restore a 'natural' unity of belief and thought that never was.

"Now, when I say, “I’m mad at the Christians,” I include myself. I am a Christian. And, I must confess, if I am to be truthful, that…okay, I’ll just put it out there…the first time I ever voted I was forty something. There I said it. I know. It’s embarrassing. But I’m trying to make a point. It was the year Clinton said, “…that depends on the meaning of the word ‘is’.” I snapped. His adultery didn’t shock me so much. I had three preachers already who had done that. It was that haughty look, lack of shame, and zero repentance combined with that asinine sentence…the meaning of the word ‘is’ . That is what led me to the voting booth. I know. I’m sorry. Well, I always thought politics was for the middle age people. But then, one day, I was the middle age people.

So, I voted Clinton out. My vote counted. Bush won.

Back when I was 18 and first got the right to vote, I asked my Dad who I should vote for.

He said, 'Anyone with an R next to their name.'

I said, 'Why?'

He said, 'They’re closest to the Bible.'

This passage follows logically from what came before, blind faith in her perceived social betters, middle aged people and especially 'The Father." The 'victory; of Bush is seen as a victory for her own divinely entitled tribe, and hence a source of personal achievement and pride. And as for Republicans being "closest to the Bible" well there's quite a bit of truth in that, though try as they may they have yet to slaughter the roughly 95% of the human species that the biblical Yahweh demands dead.

"I didn’t vote for anyone. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know where to go. I never saw a sign that said, “Vote Here.” I didn’t know how to “register” or even that I had to register. I didn’t know what the candidates stood for or how to find out. Word of mouth I guess, but no one I hung out with talked about politics, ever."

Okay, so she's an idiot. I suppose we all could have figured this out for ourselves.

Al Franken told me once that his family discussed politics at the dinner table every night of his childhood. My family discussed the Bible every night at the dinner table. *Maybe that’s why the Liberals are running the country and not the Christians.
Also, Liberals consider Liberalism their religion. Therefore, they dedicate their souls to the State and we give our souls to Christ. But, I still don’t see why we can’t give our souls to God and our thoughts and energy to Him by being informed and involved in our culture, and keeping our freedoms protected and our country safe. I’m thinking, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” (Ecclesiastes 9:10 ) So, I’m a U.S. citizen and I should be one with all my might. I should vote with all my might, which to me means be informed, be involved. “Go into all the world and preach the gospel.” (Mark 16:15) It doesn’t say ‘go into all the world, except the political world.’

This goes a long way towards explaining Franklin's occasional dips into self-righteousness. It's a wonder that he manages to be funny at all after being raised in a stifling environment like that. More to the point we see here a common affliction among single-minded zealots. They tend to think that everyone is a single-minded zealot, that the only true belief is a central belief that ties into every facet of existence. Finally the assertion that liberals run the country is absurd, which reveals another malady of the fanatics. In Jackson's mind the fact that conservative Christians have failed to get their way on everything is equivalent to total defeat in everything, creating an endless cycle of further frustration and radicalization.

"In my 20’s, Reagan was President. I felt secure. I didn’t have to vote. The middle aged people had handled that for me. I did a handstand on the SNL Update desk to celebrate Reagan’s trip to Rejeivich. He went there, ended Communism, and tore down the Berlin Wall with his charm, courage and deployment of Pershing and cruise missiles in Europe. That’s my President. I am safe".

'Big strong Daddy took care of me', nothing more. And unless President Reagan took a 'trip' to a spiritual plane called Rejeivich, there is no such place. I assume Jackson is referring to his summit with Gorbachev in Reykjavik.

During the 2008 election, I asked a preacher relative of mine, “Why aren’t Christians getting involved in keeping this Marxist out of office? Don’t they know that in all Communist countries Christians are persecuted?”

He replied, “The church is supposed to win souls. Then, the people will vote the right way.”

I said, “Ooookaaay…but, I have a couple Christian friends who are voting the wrong way…

… And, you do realize that the Progressives consider your preaching “hate speech” , and there is a new law from Henry Waxman that could be “interpreted” in the liberally dominated courts to send you to jail for preaching the Bible.”

He shrugged.

He could get involved. But, no. Just shrug.

More archetypal fanaticism. There is no center but only either the Truth or the perfect opposite of the Truth. There is no possible alternative to conservative Christianism except 'Marxism'. And I think it's safe to say that the preacher shrugged because as a preacher it would have been improper for him to tell the shrieking loon in his office to fuck off.

"Jesus is coming back but He doesn’t want us to sit by the window and wait. He wants us to live in the present. I’m thinking, show up at a Tea Party with Ephesians 6:12 on your poster. Call your Congressman and pray for them on the phone. Teach your children about the founding fathers and basic civics. Read the Constitution with them. Tell your Representative # 202-224-2131 that abortion is murder, and you don’t want your taxes funding it. Tell Reid, Pelosi and Boxer that you don’t want the government deciding whether or not you get chemotherapy when you have cancer. Support Sekulow and ACLJ. Call the FCC Complaint Line # 888-225-5322, press 1-3-0 to speak to someone. Tell them you want to keep your Freedom of Speech, and your Conservative and Christian radio. Call Diversity Czar Mark Lloyd, # 202-418-7390 and tell him that “diversity” means Christians and Conservatives are allowed to speak too. Contact the Media Research Center’s Free Speech Alliance. Watch Glenn Beck and Hannity. Compare them to Joy Behar and CNN. Who is lying? Seek the truth. I know we don’t have time. We are raising families and going to work and soccer games and church. But…

Life is a mission field. Politics is just one small slice of life. Waving the banner of Christ in the political arena is just as important as waving it on a mission trip to Mexico or Haiti, or waving it in a jungle in Africa".

"Life is a mission field." A fitting close indeed. I'd hate to quote Umberto Eco on this blog again but this is pretty much explicitly saying that we are born to fight our enemies, surely a hellish thought to those of us who are able to enjoy the actual business of living. But to each their own.

Dé Máirt, Meitheamh 08, 2010

On ESPN.com

There this interaction feature where you get to choose the "all-time teams" for both the Celtics and Lakers. If you put AC Green and Wilt Chamberlain on the same team, the sky will go dark and blood will start coming out of your eyes. Try it for yourself.

Dé Luain, Meitheamh 07, 2010

Woman at Arby's Yesterday

"I lost my virginity to a man in his seventies. Because in grade school I would have orgasms sliding down poles."

Abortion is the ultimately homicidal pedophilia! (With Bonus Thumbs up From the Hoozionist)


The Hoosiers Nation: Elaine, Dennis and Iby Michael Moriarty
A sports film that is almost entirely about losers?!

About that oft forgotten and abandoned piece of real estate called Indiana?!

It’s shot in a landscape-portrait, documentary style that memorializes a smaller than small town high school, basketball team?!

A movie suspended in a repeatedly evangelical universe that counts prayer as the major source of miracles?!

That set of profoundly un-Hollywood ideas had me thanking God for them as I watched ‘Hoosiers’ today.

Hadn’t I seen it before?

Well, portions of it.

That, however, was when I was merely on my way to one of the great fast-tracks for losers, full-blown alcoholism.

At that time, I was in too much of a hurry to contemplate even the possibility of being a loser.
The ultimate message of ‘Hoosiers,’ delivered with fully committed reverence from all involved, declares that losers, when joined in teamwork with fellow losers, can help make each other winners.

Of course, that is the underlying message of Alcoholics Anonymous: let go let God … and He will find you your “team”!

That initially preposterous premise has been miraculously affirmed in my life and those of countless other fellow boozers.

My life can be roughly sketched as a trip from being the haunted character played by Gene Hackman to that fall down bum of a drunk so irresistibly embodied by the late, one-of-a-kind, legendary child of the Sixties, Dennis Hopper.

My passionate commitment to having “range” as an actor spilled over into my life and … well, I was never one to live by half measures.

There’s a conundrum posed by Hoosiers, a mystical challenge that echoes in repeated contradictions!

One never gives up on human beings, even though they defy every ounce of your good advice.

Every human being, including those slaughtered in the womb by abortion, are Ordinary Miracles.

The Liberal opposition to capital punishment is based on that … but these PEDS, Progressive Enlightened Despots, still want abortion.

Abortion is the ultimately homicidal pedophilia!

Recently I learned that many people don’t acknowledge their own contradictions about life.

Progressives, like their favorite President Barack Obama, trot out their sympathy for criminals and Gaza terrorists and butcher their own infants with legalized abortion while they do it.

Then again, they haven’t had the mysterious privilege of having attended regular meetings with a bunch of fellow alcoholics.

The ravages of multiple heart by-pass surgery make my voice now sound like I still drink.

I haven’t had a drink for over six years.

The scars of the booze and cigarettes on my voice I now wear with pride.

You can actually hear it in the voice quality of a number of exceptional actors and actresses.

Yup, they’re either heavy drinkers … or have been.

My favorite ex in the world of wine and whiskey is Elaine Stritch.

I adore that woman!

NO ONE could sing ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ with the torn genius of Elaine Stritch!

Ethel Merman could possibly get close.

The difference between Stritch and Merman, the better singer, was the profoundly piercing acting genius Elaine has that Merman could never approach.

Check this out to see what self-flagellating but excruciatingly hilarious pain exists in Elaine’s Unsurpassable Public Rendition of Ladies Who Lunch:


There she is!

After hearing it, replay it to hear her voice on the word “laugh” when she says “everybody laugh” … or “hat” when she says “does anyone … still wear … a hat?”

There’s the kind of tragic insight you’d expect watching the star of Euripides’ Medea!

Or the terrified look on her face when she says, following one of her pain-soaked rages, “I’ll drink to that!”

Does that tell us anything about the infinite and painfully earned wisdom of Elaine Stritch?


Only surpassed by the drunken and desperately belligerent but heart-stopping noise of “Riiise! Riiise! Riiiiiise! … NINE OF THEM!

My favorite Shakespearean actor, William Hutt of Canada, performed King Lear and, upon dealing with the death of his beloved daughter, Cordelia, did much the same thing with the seemingly infinite repetitions of the word “never … never … never … “

In Stephen Sondheim’s COMPANY, Elaine Stritch was a veritable, standing, desert dry martini itself singing to her own demise!!

A female King Lear!!

Every syllable, sound and silence is such nakedly sublime self-loathing … “One For Mahler!”

For the fashionable prejudices against Mahler – shared I think by Sondheim himself – shared by more than those who can look down on The Ladies Who Lunch, read this.

When an audience is faced with such TRUTH!!!!!!

Here that applause???!!!!

That audience had heard from a Divinity only reached when you’ve passed through Hell!

What inspiration does it come from?

Infinite knowledge of the problems of addiction … and work, work, work … just agonizingly hard, excruciating work!


That particular recording nightmare may have occurred because of … perhaps … one too many?!

Everyone in the studio – from Sondheim to the Conductor and many of the musicians – had heard Elaine AT HER BEST!

They and she were not going to settle for anything less.

The rewards are dripping from one of the most complete five minutes of music and theater I will have EVER seen in my 69 years — for I had seen Sondheim’s Company live and … well … my own, incomparably bitter and alcoholic mother was all over that stage.

Little did I know at that time I would surrender to the same addiction.

Elaine and I met on a Law and Order episode, during which she asked me, “Michael, what is the most erotic thing in the world?”

I quoted Kissinger and said, “Power?”

“No”, she said.


In that respect, Elaine Stritch is still one of the most erotically dramatic stars I have or will ever have seen.

I don’t fall in love again when I view her Ladies Who Lunch performance.

I drop into awe!!

An aging theater GODDESS … “IN ONE” as they say … ALL BY HERSELF!!

It’s not just the naked power of her voice but the shamelessly nude honesty of its unforced and unpremeditated pianissimos … and its pauses … its bold and merciless silence.

And of course, the mesmerizing, hypnotic rhythms of Sondheim’s accompaniment, all underpinning the suspense over what Elaine Stritch’s Joanne can come up with next?!

It is, I think, Sondheim at his greatest and no one could serve that genius as unstintingly as Elaine Stritch did with Ladies Who Lunch.

Elaine and I are both from Detroit, Michigan … and, as Lily Tomlin once said, “I left Detroit when I found out where I was!”


Detroit, when Elaine and I lived in it, was just the biggest Hoosier-like small town in the world!

I’m 69 now and she’s 84 … and we haven’t seen each other for years.

But then again, I’ll never see Dennis Hopper … ever again!

Unless, of course, we’re actually allowed to meet on “the other side!”

Dennis and I worked together in a film called Reborn so this little tribute to him came too late.

God willing, Elaine, like hopefully Sidney Poitier as well, can sense my gratitude to God for having had the privilege to have worked with both of them and to have known them both as friends, if only for a short while.

As for Dennis Hopper, we both only had one brief scene together which went with unexpected simplicity and ease within only a few takes.

Other, much bigger stars have actually pushed the envelope of self-indulgence to vastly higher levels than Dennis did with me.

The only inconvenience he ever caused me was a late night impulse to hear his favorite rock musicians at about 3 a.m.

We were shooting Reborn in Galveston, Texas and the motel we were all housed in had paper-thin walls.

I and my wife Anne sat bolt upright in bed!

I finally got up amidst all the noise and went into the hall, knocked on Dennis’ door.

He opened it and immediately began his apologies, “Hey, man, I’m sorry, man … really sorry but I just had to hear my music, ya know? And when ya gotta hear yer music, ya know …. “

“Right, Dennis,” I said, “But could you turn it down, please … low enough so we can sleep?”

“Yeah, sure, man … sorry, no problem!”

Dennis was never a major problem for me during the brief time we worked together.

As for Elaine, the last time we spoke, she knew I’d begun drinking and she had finally overcome her own addiction and … well … I got the firm suggestions I deserved.

I didn’t really listen, of course.

Alcoholism is a dark tunnel only the addict would understand. Its initial welcome is heaven itself.

The exit from the tunnel, if there is one, is filled with the hell of many cold turkeys and pitch black despair about everything.

Only God, as far as I’m concerned, can get us out of it.

If you don’t believe in God?

You’ll die from the addiction to alcohol.

The saving grace, however, is that you learn how eternally blissful an addiction to God can be.

If you don’t believe me, check this out!

yes I live five miles or so from that basketball gymnasium now, but I was an Anderson Indian and if you are one of those, you are for life. but you guys know that feeling.

And from the comments section....

"Indiana is the land of God. We still believe in God here for the most part and most of us still have those midwestern values that were portrayed in Hoosiers. Hard work, friends and helping one another. Still happens here. I think REAL life is only lived in towns like Knightstown, Miland*,Friendship, Middletown and the like all across the nation. LA and other large towns do not have the same attitude. WE are America. Not Chicago and NY. Those are the fancy ladies and we are the pioneers who made the country and keep it from turning completely into a whore".

* This is a misspeling, the Indiana village he refers to here is actually called 'Milan". Yes, the town whose 1954 boys basketball team brought Real America one of its great triumphs against urban harlotry is itself named after a commie European megawhore. Nonetheless this commenter (Nine Cats) still earns congratulations for winning Mr. Heartlands First Annual William Faulkner Memorial "Bigotry as Paranoid Sexual Neurosis" Award.

In addition to the trophy, "Nine Cats" is now free to call the police on his neighbors for not mowing their yard whenever he likes, as well as a lifetime supply of rumors about just what it is those queers like to do to each other anyway.

Dé Sathairn, Meitheamh 05, 2010

Post 700

The tragedy of "Old Yeller" isn't that Travis had to kill his dog. It's that he had to come into manhood by killing a mere dog instead of a Heathen.

Dé hAoine, Meitheamh 04, 2010

No Need For Me to Elaborate



Déardaoin, Meitheamh 03, 2010

OWH Public Pulse, 6/3/2010

Show proper respect for anthem

"I’m disgusted with something that happened last month at Omaha’s Rosenblatt Stadium. As the national anthem was being sung, A MAN WHO APPEARED TO BE HISPANIC sat during the entire song.
I looked at him a couple of times, and all I got was a defiant stare. I knew he could stand, though, because when the staff tossed free T-shirts into the crowd, he jumped up.Even those he was with were very hesitant before finally standing for the anthem. I’m a senior citizen, and I’ve never seen this happen before. Tell me again why I’m wrong for siding with Arizona’s law?"

Al Clinchard, Omaha

I have a strong feeling that any sunburned Swede who does something this man disapproves of will suddenly start looking a lot browner to him.

And as a bonus civics lesson for the day, civilians are under no obligation, either legal or moral, to do anything at all while the National Anthem is being played. Feel free to stay in your seat if you like, and if someone has a problem with that tell them to go fuck themselves for freedom.

Dé Céadaoin, Meitheamh 02, 2010

FYI for Omaha Visitors

Saddle Creek Road, is a Creek. So if it starts raining too hard you would do well to head uphill. Ames Avenue is nice and high, and the people there are great. Don't believe what you hear about them.

Dé Máirt, Meitheamh 01, 2010

Oh Isreal

What the fuck have you gone done did now?

Gone Kent State have you?

Time Machines

I've spoken of this before, and there's been some controversy. Still I assert that if and when the time machine is invented that everyone, and yes I repeat everyone, will be so preoccupied with having orgies with themselves that marraige and birth rates will fall to the floor.