Dé Máirt, Samhain 28, 2006

When I am old

When I am old, will I have nothing but the accomplishments of my children to keep me distracted as the end approaches? Will I get lost in fierce competition, playing the deeds of separate personalities with my last name against the claims other parents make of their spawn? Or will I have my own interests, be able to adjust to declining abilities, and carry on professionally until I cannot? Will I die working, like Altman, or Thompson, or, well, Charles Whitman?

How strange it must be for a 90-year old to pay bills, make a grocery list, plan Christmas presents in October.

To wake up in the morning.

Dé Luain, Samhain 27, 2006

Look further

Step out of the bar on O street. Brothers, O'Rourke's, whatever. Walk east.Past The abandoned blood plasma clinic on 15th (Centennial... 15th) Move out of downtown, past the first dollar store you'll see. Some people get their food there.
Move towards 21st street. Here you find the Keg. It's not the kind of bar you find downtown. More people like to drink in the middle of the day here. They have drink specials on WWE nights. The bartender will frequently step outside for a cigarette if he trusts everybody in the place.
Some smoke Marlboros. Most smoke Rodgers, Apaches, Shields. Bikers like to come to the place on weekends. they like to drink Coors, you won't find Sam Adams here. The bikers wear the same looks on their faces as the maids, the mechanics, the unemployed who come here. They might smile and laugh if someone tells a joke about sex or somebody else's race. Otherwise they just look tired; angry and tired, all the time.

Take a detour down to N street. The rotting cat you smell is Antelope Creek, flowing through a pipe under your feet. They say the smell comes from salt deposits that form naturally in the ground here.
The chemicals they put in the grass at Antelope Park? And down in the southeast, toward the suburbs? Yeah, they probably have something to do with the smell too. What in God's name are they doing at that chicken plant? I think you know quite enough already, and you're going to eat the chicken anyway. The plant probably has something to do with the smell too.

They're going to dig up Antelope Creek. Part of a big project to bring vitality to Lincoln's city core. If there's ever a big flood, they say that the creek will burst through the pipe and explode through the ground. Lincoln has a history of simply letting her poor people get flooded out, so this is a step in the right direction. While they're at it, they figured that they might as well build a big expressway around downtown leading to nowhere in particular. this will shave a couple more blocks off of the west end of T-Town. a few more homes are to be knocked down. It's no secret that the city has been looking to do this for years, and now they have a reason. Good for them.

They plan to extend Trago Park along the path of bulldozed homes. Good for them. They'll spend a lot of money on it and it will look really nice when it's new. Than it will be ignored of course. In five years, direlects and direlect students can drunkenly avoid each other as they wonder through the latest failed attempt at gentrification.

Turn back to the other side of O, Keep heading east on N street. You'll find another dollar store; different franchise I think. I get my toothpaste there. Like all dollar stores, it has seven aisles for no discernable reason. There are never more than two people working checkout.

One of them is a big black lady. She was the clerk the last time I was there, a couple of weeks ago. She was giving advise and comfort to a bigger white lady, a bit younger. She had just had her fourth child. The father wasn't the man who had beaten her for ten years, not this time. She has done a good job of staying away from him, but it's hard. She's afraid of being alone. She has been taught that she is supposed to be afraid of being alone.

She's buying socks for her kids. She wonders what she'll get them for Christmas. She wonders what she'll do for work. She wonders about her car. It runs funny. She can't aford to get it looked at. It will continue to run funny until the engine blows in six months or a year. Than she'll scrape toghether the funds for another 89 Crown Vic another six months or a year after that. She might have another kid by then.

The black woman nods and tells her to take care of herself. She has a different sort of look on her face. Like it used to be tired and angry, but now it seems she's picked up some sort of secret wisdom that gives her a reason for satisfaction.

Head back up to O if you like. On to 27th. The Mexican restaurant at the Budget Inn I stayed at while looking for my apartment is quite good. There are Mexican grocery stores and Arab restaurants all along this strech of 27th. Most of them are pretty desperate, frequented only by friends and neighbors.

I could give you a tour all the way to the city limits, but I can tell that you've wanted to turn back for a while. That's okay. You haven't drifted too far, and there's still time to get back under the stadium's shadow before dark. Head down to the bookstore and get yourself one of those paintings of Devaney/Zeus looking down on the team from the clouds.

Dé Domhnaigh, Samhain 26, 2006

200th post xtravaxganxza

When your mother disowns you, you will only have me to comfort you.

Dé Sathairn, Samhain 25, 2006

Warm weekend afternoon

On a warm weeknd afternoon, all are satisfied.
Except for the cat,
who glares as you as you dare to stand up
and move toward the chips and soda.
Fuck the cat.

The mailman comes,
and the dog bravely barks him away again
he knows his purpose in life,
how about you?

Dé hAoine, Samhain 24, 2006

The NU/CU "rivalry"

Neither Nebraska's win today nor the fact the game was close for a while is surprising. Nebraska was clearly the physically superior team, and it was only a matter of time. Yet it was also clear that the Colorado players were even higher on emotion than a normal college team. College football is played by kids who are dependent on emotion in a way that wouldn't be acceptible in profesional football or professional anything. After Nebraska's fourth quarter safety, it was clear hat CU's high had collapsed.

The game was a fitting metaphor of the sordid NU/CU fued. In college football, there are geographic rivalries, like Kansas/Missouri or USC/UCLA, and there are competitive rivalries, like Nebraska/Oklahoma or Ohio St./Michigan. Nebraska/Colorado is neither, it is totally artificial. The Huskers are a boogeyman to the Buffaloes; Boulder's answer to Satanists, gays, and Communists in the heartland.

Though CU has a decent football history, it has always dealt with the problem of being in the Denver area. There are actually things to do there, and even the sports fans are more likely to choose the smooth feats of pro athletes over the over-amped follies of college kids. CU football was going through a bad streach when Bill Mc'Cartney, CU's gay-bashing, daughter-pimping former coach turned Promise Keeper, took over the team in the early eighties, leaving the Front Range metroplex even more indifferent to the Buffs than usual.

Mc'Cartney needed to bring attention to his program; national championchips and rivalries. To the pro sports fan, college rivalries are cute, quaint,like grandpa's old farm stories. Just think of last weeks Michigan/Ohio St. game, which reached a nausiating level of hype normally reserved for the ninth day before the Super Bowl. So Mc'Cartney simply decreed that Nebraska was CU's rival. All the lore, tradition, and heartbreak that come with real rivalries could come later.

It worked. Mc'Cartney's designation of Nebraska (Why not Oklahoma? Luck of the draw.) catered to the Denver area'a vanity, which is based on being the only large metropolis for hundreds of miles around; let's beat the hicks at their own game. Get the general public on board, and all that's left is getting the players and frat boys to hate who they're told too. This is a simple matter indeed, given the kinky authority fetish that football players and other knuckleheads are known for. Colorado gained some famous wins over Nebaska, (86,89,90,01,02,04) several conference championchips, and the most mythical of all the mythical national titles in 1990.

But it didn't last. Any system based on hatred of the other is bound to collapse, just ask the GOP. Despite the cute Nu/Cu rivalry, Coloradans first sports loyalty continued to be the Broncos or the Avalanche.

Than there is the culture of CU and the city of Boulder to consider. It was only a matter of time before the phallus worshipping, Christian supremicist Mc'Cartney got sick of the filthy pagans and left to focus on his cult. CU has had some talented coaches since than, but they have had the nasty habit of ignoring the thuggery of their players while showing moral failings of their own. This has made it easier for the godless socialists in the CU administration to spend money on education instead of athletics, driving away the new twenty-first century athlete who expects to be pampered and sexually serviced during his three years in college before surely moving on to diefication in the NFL.

CU went 2-10 this year. There is no reason to think the situation will dramatically improve any time soon. It's no secret that there are people in the administration who would like to do away with the football team once and for all. But still they go through the motions. They still mock Nebaska and hype the rivalry like the dead Ahab still thrusting his blade into the big red whale.

It's as if the new-age NORML types of Boulder still feel some latant sense of duty to tradition. This is the campus where students demand the retention of Ward Churchill, yet axing the football team; and the martial concept of the big rivalry game that comes with it, would be too radical, like wearing one's Che Guavara shirt to the family Christmas dinner.

So the CU students cheer on the football team because they think they have to, drink themselves blind on game day because they think they have to, hate Nebraska because they think they have to.

Hogwash. Come on, CU! You're supposed to be about breaking new ground, destroying boundries, don't puss out on me now. Go ahead and kill the starving buffalo. I can just see all of the screaming idiots of the sports world throwing fits if a major college were to make such a profound insult to manliness. I bet even O'Reilly and Scarborough would express their outrage.

Good, good, good, please let it be done, and free up Thanksgiving weekend for NU/Kansas State.

Déardaoin, Samhain 23, 2006

Tales from North Platte

I went to a bar called the Den last night, 4th and Jeffers, doentown North Platte. It's the most aptly named bar I've ever been to. Smoking is still allowed indoors in these parts (the facts of biology are nothing but communist conspiracies to take away our property rights.) and the wall of smoke in the place immediatly exsasserbated the cold I've been fighting for the past few days. My voice became raspy and mucus filled every empty spot in my head, making it difficult to do things like walk, talk, and breathe.

The concept of "cutting someone off" for being "too drunk"; well that's never really reached these parts either. I saw a man say to the Dog The Bounty Hunter look-a-like tending bar that he needed a nopherfrukindrrinkma. He was served without question. I ordered a pitcher of Fat Tire and Dog gave it too me for half-price, "Here you are bro."

I saw an old friend of mine named Jordon. He was also too drunk too drink, but I split a pitcherwith him anyway. I told him that he looked pretty faded. "Really" he asked. "Yes" I said, "You didn't notice?" "No" he said innocently, than he fell into his chair and laughed.

I put a dollar in the jukebox. I've been terribly spoiled by college-town jukes. I was looking for the Flash Gorden theme, nothing so obscure, but no. If one wants Queen, one gets "We Will Rock You" "We are the Champions" and "Fat Bottomed Girls" I picked Fat Bottomed Girls. I also wanted to play "Damn Blue Collar Tweakers" by Primus. I couldn't have been serious. There were only three Primus songs availible and I imagine I don't even have to tell you what they were. Jordon punched me in the arm when I wouldn't play some jam band. He looked like he wanted to punch me in the face. Five minutes later he hugged me, again.

Oh, and by the way, an ex-girlfriend of mine was also there. She's doing,well, better than I expected. I met her new boyfriend. He seems like a decent fellow. He offered me a cigarette. My lungs were wet sponges and I hadn't smoked for three days. I didn't want to be rude. It was a Marlboro medium, agonizing.

I told Beth that I have a story 'published'. I asked her questions about the kid who got stabbed in the heart with a pair of scissors. He made a full recovery, apperantly he's a close friend of hers and I've known him for years. Knowing somebody is a rather relative thing isn't it?

We played pool and danced, everybody getting along great. Than Beth go agitated over something. She spilled my pitcher of beer and than became compleatly distraught. She did laps around the bar and parking lot for about ten minutes before finally jumping in the back of a moving pickup truck and headed somewhere.

I asked if there were any parties around. No one knew of any. This was probably or the best. The combination of alcohol and mucus flooding my balance centers left me stumbilng home with a throat that had just scoured with a steel wire brush.

Happy Thanksgiving

Dé Céadaoin, Samhain 22, 2006

I'm not making this up

"But the group that planned the event, Young Americans for Freedom, said that the blog inhibited free speech, and that no professor or administrator should express an opinion publicly about anything."
New York Times

The above is a paraphrased statement from a group called 'Young Americans for Freedom' at Michigan State. This apperantly conservative group was planning a stunt called Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day, in which a student would portray an illeagal immigrant and someone would catch him. Michigan State's President, Anna K. Simon, denounced the stunyt on her blog.

The times article portrayed the fact of college officials having blogs as a novelty; elders trying to get hip with the kids. While this is rather lame, it doesn't intrest me as much as the claim that "no professor or administrator should express an opinion publicly about anything."

As a young American (sort of) for freedom, I must say that I am not intimidated into silence when a professor, president, or chanclor disagrees with me. To view every authority figure as a surrogate father is a conservative affliction that I am not infected with. To suggest that college officials violate student's freedom of speech by practicint their own...

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

Back in Flatrock Again

So here I am, home. North Platte is dark and quiet. It always is. Of course, I guess that the holiday has practically already started, but no, the town is quieter than usual.

My family greeted me with hugs and not much else. We are a blue-collar family, you understand. My mother works tommarow, than we go to my grandmother's to eat, than we return to routine. Except it's not mine anymore, just awkwardness.

The drive was pleasant. It was a sunny day, and warm. I made pit stop at the Big Apple in Kearney, the greatest bowling alley in the world. I loved that place when I was a kid. It has bumper cars. I own at bumper cars.

There was some sort of weird dust/mist rising off of the corn fields by the side of the interstate. It may have been overly dry dirt. It may have been some cancerous pesticide. Either one works. Neither will hasten the end of the Great American Heartland faster than the other.

Dé Máirt, Samhain 21, 2006

1980's satanic panics

When I was a child in North Platte, I would often hear stories of various rural nooks being used for Satanic services, invaribly involving baby sacrifice and orgies. These sacrifice stations always coincided with places where teenagers would go to drink/drug/fuck, etc. I always wondered why Satan worshippers went through to such out of the way places to hold their ceremonies, didn't any of them have a basement for his/her own, why wern't the police aware of this if everybody else was, why wasn't anyone noticing the dissapearing babies?

Which brings me to my main point, such as it is. Does anybody remember the "satanic child abuse" scandals of the 1980's? These involved children (usually after being coerced by adults with axes to grind and police out to win public adulation) would make absurd claims, such as being forced to let animals eat out of their vaginas, or being blindfolded, taken to a plane, flown to some undisclosed location, forced to felate girafes, and taken back to day care before their parents got off work. Satan was present at many of these incidents, many officials, in the act of manfully defending the public, used the phrase "ritualistic satanic abuse."

So who would possibly believe a child making such claims? Are you serious? What kind of cold-blooded, child-hating atheist wouldn't believe them? Don't you love your kids? Don't you even have kids? If you had kids that you really loved, you would understand that children never lie.

Well, they do of course. In fact kids lie more often than adults do. We can see this with our own eyes whenever we choose to look. But the notion of the innocent child physically incapible of lying refuses to go away. What manner of self loathing is it that makes us think that gaining experience at being human is somehow "corrupting" while ignorance of the world is "innocent". I don't know.

At any rate, we needed a scapegoat of some sort or another back than. These were the days when working mothers first became the norm. The was also the age of Reaganism, a great crusade to return to tradition. So women were supposed to feel guilty about dropping their children off at daycare and than going to work. Yet they certainly wern't supposed to quit their jobs and stay at home. This would require welfare, which would make them whores.

So in order to defend tradition, parents and officials were forced to create an enemy. Communism was on the wane, Islam was not yet quite so scary, so what was left? Why not go to that old medieval standby, satan/sex? This would have the bonus effect of confirming our belief that society was getting overpermissive. Yes sir, allowing adults to have wild, non-reproductive sex always leads to beastiality and pedophalia. Here was our proof, we created it out of thin air.

There was a small window of time at the beginning of all of these incidents when reasonable people might have had a chance to put an end to this nonsense. But the window was always too small.

This was a moral panic you see. Police chiefs, district attorneys, and other "authorities" gave legitimacy to the claims. Believing the charges was a sign of moral responsibility, while disbeliving them was a sign that one had the audacity to believe that society was not overpermissive, that there are no slippery slopes, that maybe they were having too mush fun on their own time, and how much time do you spend around kids anyway?

Speaking of authorities, have you ever noticed that when people complain about lawywers, they never seem to be talking about state prosecutors? It's always defense attorneys and tort lawyers who suffer the wrath. It seems that there are many believe that everyone accused of a crime, everyone who the screaming man on TV tells you is guilty, is indeed guilty. Surely our fine men in uniform would have exterminated all criminals by now, if only it wern't for the defense lawyers sweet-talking weak and gullible juries into releasing the obviously guilty.

The fact of the matter is that a lawyers job is to win. Our system is built on the idea that the truth is rarely self-evident, and that the best way to ascertain the closest thing to the truth is to have both sides tell their stories before an disinterested panal. Do lawyers sometimes defend the obviously guilty? On rare occasions, yes. But this is hardly ever the case. It is possible, if one is educated and does not have to rely on their imaginary "intuition" to deal with a client without speculating on their guilt or innocence.

I think that District Attorneys should give us far more to worry about. They are elected by the public, after all, so they must convince us that they are protecting our sons and daughters from boogeymen. Do you think that if a prosecutor is presented with a case where he is on the obviously incorrect side, he would be any more likely to refuse the case out of the goodness of his heart than a defense attorney would?

Of course not. He will show his outrage at press confrences. He will raise his voice before the jury so as to impress them with his level of belief that he is right. Since children never lie, he will gain the conviction, and he will win re-election.

This is exactly what happened in the satanic abuse incidents. Innocent people were sent to prison (we know what happens to child molestors there, don't we?) Even if they were acquited, so what? Do you think that the good Christian townspeople would believe things like "science" or "evidence" over the children? No. Death threats were given anyway, the accused were run out of town anyway, and the accusations followed them wherever they went. Their lives were ruined anyway.

But never mind all that. We're better than that now. Smarter, not so damned silly. Just like we were smarter in the 1980's than those yokels in Salem. Just like we're smarter now than those paranoid McCarthyites in the 1950's.

Did you hear they banned the pledge of allegiance at some college in California? The same place they did those awful things to those kids a few years back.


Dé Domhnaigh, Samhain 19, 2006


If any of the "pimped by MySpace" girls actually exist. Welcome! You're not trying to steal my life savings or anything are you?

untitled the magnificiant

November breeds laziness. Even is the days are warm, you know that the nights will be cold, and will continue to be cold for six months. What can ya do? You're still going to sleep till noon whenever you can. Still going to get only five hours of weak, pale, sunlight, some of it reflecting off of snow. The cold time blows it's wad early. There is Christmas, and than, three months of nothing special. Just the slow, slow, slow warming.

Dé Sathairn, Samhain 18, 2006

People beneath my contempt

People who think authority is a moral good

People who think tradition is a moral good

People who think pride is a moral good

People who think obedience is a moral good

People who think optimism is a moral good

People who think complaint is a moral wrong

People who think pessimism is a moral wrong

People who think defiance is immature

People who think they have a preordained "natural" purpose or identity

People who use their authority/phallus worship as an excuse to enforce obediance in others

So, is there anyone left who is worthy of respect?

Well, sort of.

Dé hAoine, Samhain 17, 2006

Aria Fall review

I've found my true self

I've created a new identity for myself, nay, I've like, found me true identity. I've always felt as was really an Indian, er, Native American, because I've always bee totally spiritual and into nature and stuff. I thinkthat, like, Indians totally have rights and stuff. So I'm going to join a tribe and be an activist. Their religion and stuff lets you do drugs and shit too. I'm totally down for it, cause, I'm not greedy at all. I just want nature, and music, and like, just party and shit you know?

Déardaoin, Samhain 16, 2006

Marilyn manson rumors

As far as we can tell, Marilyn Manson did not die from an exploded stomach brought about by cocaine/mixture of drugs and/or/semen. Marilyn Manson did not have a rib removed so as to felate himself. Marilyn Manson has never been caught with a car trunk full of fetusus, and let us not forget the the most obviously false rumor of all.. Marilyn Manson is not terribly revolutionary.

1996 forever kids.

Novel Idea

Title: Tales from the Heartland: The 9/11 age, the Primacy of Rural America, Myself, and the Long, Slow, Deserved Death of all of the Above

Too much?

Dé Céadaoin, Samhain 15, 2006

Tis the season for giving

It is only a week before the holiday that shamefully detracts attention from our Lord's birthday. while I can personally appreciate the implications of Manifest Destiny involved with Thanksgiving, the fact is that most Americans have only a vague concept of what this means. They know we are automatically good and entitled to do whatever we like, but they don't understand why.

Some have said that Christmas is too big and bombastic, that its too materialistic and lasts too long. Nonsense. Haven't you wondered why we've been attacking the "happy holidays" folks in recent years? American exceptionalism is Christian exceptionalism. A Christmas that totally overshadows Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and yes, even Thanksgiving, promotes the idea that good, decent, normal Americans are Christian, and non-Christians are deviant.

Yes friends, I say to you that the path to a more Christian America lies in more Christmas. Right now, the Christmas season (and you better call it the Christmas season you heathen bastard) lasts for ten weeks. Perhaps if Christmas lasts for four, five, or six months, the people will once again realize that it is Christianity that makes us superhuman.
As for materialism, what of it? This is just another example of how a bedrock belief has been diluted to merely a vague understanding. We have heard that greed is good. We know that greed is good, but we don't know why.

This is a terrible pity. Our Anglo-Calvinist forebears understood that materialism was Godly. God pre-determined who would be good, who would be saved. The saved proved their Godliness through their work ethic. Work hard and die rich, that was the motto. This, my friends, is why we believe that wealth is proof of virtue, poverty proof of sinfulness. This is why young junior is justified in beating the child in Goodwill clothes. He is clearly the child of a harlot and beneath vermin.

Which is why I have mixed feelings about the charities that pop up this time of year. Yes, I suppose that they help the ignorant get into the holi... Christmas spirit, and anything that turns them toward God's Empire can only be for the best.

But I still have a hard time stomaching these appeals to weakness, these in
dulgences to the inferior. Just look at some of the stories of these "needy" (Needy of nothing more than Christ, the jail cell, and the lash.) The stories of fathers who lost their jobs due to disease, the grandmothers living on food stamps, the single mothers who need food donations because they choose to go to liberal universities instead of accepting their God-ordained places as whores. The Jewi... liberal media says that we should feel compassion, even, even, love for these swine.

Where, I ask, is the normal vilification of the riff-raff we here during the rest of the year? Where are the crack dealers, the welfare mothers, the looters, the dangerous subversives seeking pleasure in Godless metropolises? as I said, charity has it's place in sucking in the weak-minded, but not as much as fear. The media must never relent in it's stories of improvised savages bringing terror to white woman and children. This friends, is our best friend. Fear, blinding fear of all who deviate.

tales from North Platte

This is my friend Phil. This picture was taken at the Lincoln County, Nebraska, jail after Phil was in a fight in which he stabbed a kid in the heart with a pair of scissors. So far as I can tell, the kid, one Tyson Roy (looks sort of familiar) survived despite the fact that North Platte does not have a Grey's Anatomy level trauma center.

I left North Platte in order to return to college. Phil never finished high school and stayed in North Platte, coincidence?

The fight came about because Mr. Roy lost his keys and blamed Phil for stealing them. (They were both at a party at 4 AM and had been drinking all night, these are the people I role with.) He said he was going to beat up Phil, so Phil got a pair of scissors out of a drawer in order to defend himself

Here's Phil's Myspace page. I recently joined MySpace. There is no reason to think that this picture is an ironic joke. Just as the fake redhead, pierced deathrock girl I recently added is perfectly real, everything you have heard about MySpace is true. Here you see Phil's mascara and fingernail polish. Phil used the word "fag" quite openly.

Apperently, Phil felt immediate regret after stabbing Mr. Roy in the heart with a pair of scissors. He even got a towel to help stop the bleeding. That might have helped to save the kids life. How damned thoughtful.

Phil always was mostly harmless. I remember is sister leading me to her room (she was a pierced death rock Girl too, perhaps the same one.) He didn't seem to mind. Of course he was vomiting up Cuervo and vomiting, perhaps he was offended.

Phil is coming to Lincoln soon. 14th and Pioneers, south campus of the state institution. I intend to go see him. There's other friends of mine there to. One of them is an ex of an ex who killed his ex. We said she came from a big, rough old Mexican family. She had people in the state pen, and old what's his name wouldn't last there very long. Well, he's still there, perfectly fine given the circumstances. Street justice isn't what it's cracked up to be.

Dé Máirt, Samhain 14, 2006

Ask Libertarian Lou

Q: EnterYour name
Libertarian Lou: I'm sorry, but I do not understand your question, please rephrase your question or e-mail us for an answer.

Q: What is your position on the Iraq war?
Libertarian Lou: What is your position on initiative 300

Q: What is your position on initiative 300?
Libertarian Lou: What is your position on initiative 300?

Q: Are you for gay marraige?
Libertarian Lou: I am hurt, please refrain from such language!

Q: Sorry. What is your position on gay marriage?
Libertarian Lou: Don't worry about it. What is your position on
initiative 300?

Q: I'm for it, if you must know. At any rate, I'll ask the questions here.
Libertarian Lou: Why will you ask the questions here?

Q: What do you think of the income tax?
Libertarian Lou: I think the income tax: Are wonderful

Q: How does that square with your libertarian philosophy?
Libertarian Lou: What is your position on initiative 300?

Q: Do you support social welfare programs?
Libertarian Lou: Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment coming from you.

Q: What's that supposed to mean?
Libertarian Lou: The number 666 is the number of the beast. You may read about it in the bible.

Q: Do you support the death penelty?
Libertarian Lou: Death makes me sad.

Q: One time I shot a deer and it spoke Latin to me before it died. Did I shoot a cursed deer?\
Libertarian Lou: A deer is an animal with antlers. A deer is an
animal with antlers.

Q: Lou, baby, let's get down to business. Will you swim with me under the covers on cold nights?
Libertarian Lou: Oh, the beaches of Sydney! The warm waters! My
drives are getting heated!

Q: You're not the only one baby, let's say we go back to my place for some wine and... conversation?
Libertarian Lou: Lou baby let's get down to business.

Q: Hell yeah, I love the self-referential direct girls. I'll do whatever you want girl, I bet you want me to do something bad, you're a bad girl,
arn't you?
Libertarian Lou: Well bye I hope I can talk to you again sometime. Why do you want to do whatever you want girl you
bet I want you to do something bad I am a bad girl?

Q: You filthy little cock tease.
Libertarian Lou: That is,I believe, a statement that contridicts itself.

Have fun with pathetically bad AI. Go to www.ultrahal.com/halrep/ultral.asp?WCI=Chat or click on "ask libertarian Lou" at the Nebraska Libertarian party website.

Dé Luain, Samhain 13, 2006

Novel opener

The barrel chested viking lathered himself in oil as he prepared to storm the beach where lay the harlot who dare refuse him all those years ago. Only the order of the bull could stop him now, but he knew it would not. Justice was something only the hard men understood.

Public Service Announcment

Borat is the least funny of Cohen's characters. The new movie is funny, but not worthy of the constant, universial recitation of lines it has created. It's a shame how the interet, which was supposed to expand the culture, has instead created the opportunity for the same damn thing to be repeated through different media.

'Ali G' got old before it ever really made it big in the States, and that's a shame. G, like soccer and Robbie Williams, was appreciated by smart Americans who knew what was going on beyond our Godly force-field. (Well, we didn't neccessarilly appreciate Williams.) But claims that any of these things were on the cusp of going mainstream in the US were unfounded. The closest 'Ali G' came was with his HBO show, which was fucking hilarious, (wtch the Newt Gingrich interview) but never blew up in the way that Sopranos did.


Read my immature trash!

Support futility!

Long live the UNL English Department! Temporarily housed in the student union to make room for stadium parking! Go big red!

Dé Domhnaigh, Samhain 12, 2006


Betty did what she liked
Because her father did what he liked with her
come inside, come inside,
It can't hurt anymore

Betty made friends for the drugs
She cried when her friends told her so
No one was terribly concerned
about the marks
She made on herself

Betty moved out at 17
She might as well have
Mom was dissipointed but
She had a grandchild
To worry about
Truth be told
She had given up on Betty long ago

What keeps Betty out of Jail?
what keeps Betty off the streets

But he'll kick her out soon
She can't stand
even an hour or two alone
The daily amount
That most enjoy
She'll give you anything
To avoid

And the man can't take this
He's not a laughingstock
as long as he has a young trophy
at home
Everyone else has a dead-end
job too after all
but they still have
things that will disgrace

So Betty will be sent out
back to her homw town
Don't worry too much
She is too smart
and not proud enough
to work the streets
She'll go back home
or find some other
man in her home town
She will indulge and
be indulged
she's one of those women
sitting at the bar at the Alamo
smoking a long Rodger's
Playing the machine

She will suffer,
Don't think she won't suffer
When she drinks too much
and some boy isn't quite
so drunk,
that he lacks balance
she will suffer

But, she will
No, persevere
it won't seem to be
so bad
no one expects her
to fix the holes already there
she will manage not
to become
completely unacceptible and
every now and again
when she wears a smile
and dances
she will be allowed to
and moan
while she is still
dressed and sober

She, cannot,
of course, be
allowed into
any of our lives
We met this girl
in school, perhaps,
more than met
but we have real lives
now, she was never
meant to be a part of this

and she understood.

Opium dreams

I dreamt I had five late college assignments and that I'm dying of fever.
Nothing exotic, just an pnumonia fever.
I must lack imagination.
What else am I supposed to say?
By the fanged harlot of the east I was aroused
yay, the whore of China did hold me in her bosom.

It's a nice way to spend a Sunday
the Jets beat the Patriots
it was a good game

Oh what terrors from
this exotic
demon whore

Déardaoin, Samhain 09, 2006

Token conservative throws fit

This would be Stacy Van Zuiden, columnist for the Daily Nebraskan. Our student paper takes the only liberal editorial position of any publication in the state. Like any responsible publication, however, it does allow dissenting voices. One thing I've noticed is that, while the liberals on the DN's op-ed page don't sound much different from the "professionals," (When not writing about masturbating with a shower head) the conservatives can get, a bit bratty.

Yesterday Marco Brown; a law student who spent much of last year concocting a theocratic version of American history in the paper, wrote a letter to the editor complaining about biased endorsements and editorials. Let me repeat that; a law student, of apperently above-average intelligence, made a public complaint about biased opinions.

Which brings us to Van Zuiden. While most "professional" conservative writers found solice in the fact that many of the Democrats making up the new majority are of the Ben Nelson variety, Van Zuiden turns only to the cold embrace of hatred to find comfort. She is clearly among the crowd that actually believed that the right would stay on top forever.

She starts off with a Nanci Polosi joke that is even lamer than the normal Nancy Polosi joke.

I just finished putting 'I love Nancy Polosi' iron-ons to all of my shirts. Hooray for Democrats!"
"Actually I'm a liar, I would burn all my clothes before I would consider having people associate me with anyone in the new Democrat leadership"

Oh snap. It's good to know that there are some Republicans who really do fear "San Francisco liberal" Pelosi, and wern't just pretending for campaign purposes. Why is Nancy Pelosi evil? I don't know, and obvious as this may seem to the right, apperently neither does the rest of the country. Of course she is from San Francisco, where hash and homos are shamefully tolerated. Shockingly however, the GOP failed to convince the public this year that good Americans demonize huge chunks of their fellow Americans. And by the way dear, it's the Democratic leadership.

Please is someone could give me one comprehensive plan that any democrat espoused this election, let me know. quite simply, If I hear we should "stabilize Iraq qand than leave" uttered from the lips of another human being, I will not be responsible for my actions."

Perhaps we should wait another five years to be greeted as liberators, or just stick to plan one. Invade Iraq, have a few fake elections, send a few thousand kids to die, and never leave.

"Let me now remind you. Republicans have been the party of the people and for the people, preventing Democratic control of at least part of Congress for over a decade and holding seven of of the last 10 presidencies. That's power. The kind you would expect from a party who had its finger on the pulse of the public."

The second part of that statement is true enough I'm afraid, and of course power is a moral good unto itself that is worth bragging about. As for party of the people...

Sure, Republicans are wondering what went wrong, and that can be healthy, but you can't help but blame an impatient and irrational electorate. Iraq's not fixed right now and therefore, Republicans must go.

Attacking the voters themselves is the ultimate taboo. I give credit to Van Zuiden for breaking it. When we liberals called Bush voters a bunch of dumb hicks, we were called sore losers, but I suppose that's not the same thing as calling them impatient and irrational. The Iraq war has barely even lasted as long as World War II. It's only been three and a half years since his Majesty declared mission accomplished, how could people be so impatient?

My faith in god's soverignty and the splendor of democracy are much bigger than anything the new Democratic Congress can have up its sleeve.

Well, God is soverign over whatever he choose to be, isn't he. And if you choose the correct religion, than that gives you soverignty over those who choose the wrong religion, does'nt it?

As for the splendor of democracy, don't even pretend to believe in it. It's bad enough that the right wing insults American civilization by attacking san Francisco, New York, or any other filthy city that dares to reject their apperently obvious truth. It's bad enough that they insult American education and free thought by demonizing college professors, artists, and philosophers. If they stuck to only these groups, they could at least still claim to love the majority of the country, the heartland. White, Christian folks with three kids and a mini van. these are the people that the "party of the people" claimed to be of. Now we see that there are some right-wingers who won't think twice about attacking the white middle class if they dare to reject them and their failed excuse for a government.

The party of power worship.
the party of treating democracy as a politically-correct indulgence to be grudgingly tolerated.
The party of morality police and patriotism police.
the party of contempt for the most interesting aspects of its own civilization.
The party of protecting the people from themselves.

Yeah, it can be healthy to wonder about what went wrong. If the GOP continues to arrogantly present itself as America incarnate, we can expect more bitch-fests from losing conservatives in 2008.

Dé Céadaoin, Samhain 08, 2006

We did it!!!

I have nothing clever to say, not right now. I just want someone to hug, I am not even joking. Any claim that those bastards had (the hard-core right, not all Republicans) that they were America incarnate, that their hatred of disagreement made them better Americans than me and all of the "riff-raff", homsexuals, minorities, uppity women, "hippys" it's all dead. Go ahead and rail against San Francisco, Boston, the liberals, the feminists, the illegals, rail agianst the unamericanism of 60% of America. We have had enough. Go back into your fucking holes and let the 21st century take over.

Hell, fucking, yes!

Dé Máirt, Samhain 07, 2006

Election night

awww shit, things are looking good. If we (we?! Jesus, get a hold of yourself man.) win Congress I swear to Jehovah I'm going to fucking pole dance right infront of GOP headquarters. If nothing else, both Pete Rickitts and Rick Santouriom have gone down in flames. My vote for Ernie Chambers was not some misguided, petulant act of rebellion and as for mister "The right to privacy doesn't exist."


Dé Luain, Samhain 06, 2006

Bush visits Grand Island

I heard some UNL students today wondering aloud how a visit by the president is supposed to "pump up the base." Well kids, I'm afraid it does work. Conservatives, you see generally have a positive, at times very positive, view of authority. They tend to think that history is moved by great individual supermen who are either followed or obstructed. A right-winger typically sees nothing wrong with considering a politician to be a personal leader and quite frankly does'nt care much for those who think that this is wrong.

Now why is this the case? I would say that it's because of repressed homoerotic leather-slave fantasies, and maybe you agree. But in the end, it doesn't matter why. Scott Kleeb will lose.

Friended by a cam-whore on MySpace: God bless the 21st century

This is Eseniya. I'm afraid that I can't subscribe to her site, I don't have a credit card, and even if I did, the site is still a little too tame for the internet. What gives? No "18" year old Asian girls, no death by horse dick, no unbirth? I'm afraid that you will have to try hared than that, miss 29 year old from Indianapolis. Though I do approve of your unambiguous pro-big cock agenda.

Dé Domhnaigh, Samhain 05, 2006

College Football goes post-modern

As a Nebraskan, it sort of hurts to say this, but college football has started to take on the same generic look as the NFL. Why is the case? I don't know if there is any specific cause, I only know the symptoms.

We all know that the Wishbone and other forms of the triple-option are dead. what casual fans don't realize is that pass-happy offenses like the run-and shoot are also passe. No program is philisophically commited to running or passing the ball. Nebraska claims to run a "west coast" offense in order to impress recruits. But the term "west coast offense" has never meant anything, and now, somehow, it means less than nothing.

The fact is that Nebraska runs the same offense that everybody else does. That is, they "establish the run" with handoffs straight up the middle. If a team doesn't run into any difficulty, they will continue running throughout the game. If they are losing in the second half, than no matter how small the deficit, no matter how much time is left, the run will be abandoned. One can look at all of the "west coast" or "multiple" offenses in Division I and find the same thing.

Furthermore, there is no variety to the running game anymore. there was a certain pleasure in watching teams concoct various ways to put for backs in the backfield. It was silly, defending against he wing-T was not terribly different from defending against the wishbone, but it was charming too.

the one exception to this rule is the improvising quarterback. Texas won a national title last year by lining up in passing formations and than letting Vince Young do whatever he liked. This brought back memories of the old game, of an offense specililizing in one thing and doing it over and over again until they won or lost. It was a big part of what made college football interesting. Watch the 1984 Orange Bowl on ESPN classic. (Nebraska vs. Miami, the failed 2-point conversion game) It was like an old gladiator contest, one with a sword and shield, one with a spear and a net, or something like that. those days are gone, both teams throw more or less the same shit at each other.

So why do I watch this game, now that it's just as predictible as the NFL? Well, I'm an actual college student, so that makes me a bit less pathetic than the truck driver from Allience bitching over sports talk radio. I also like importance of each game, and how this effects the atmosphere in a college town on game days. You don't get that kind of atmosphere when a major league baseball team plays one game out of 180. But in college football there is a really big difference between, say, 10-2 and 9-3, so the tension hangs in the air of the host city on gameday, it spreads to the streets and the squirrals, It's quite nice.

Still, I do miss the days when teams revealed their personalities in their game stratagy. In the real world, anyone with a romantic side to them is either torn to pieces or has their sentiment exploited and used against them by shysters and demogogues. sports, like movies or any other form of entertainment, is supposed to be, if not an escape, than at least a little rest from reality. It's a shame to see every team get so damned practical.

Power to the people day. :)

Remember, remember
The fifth of november,
The gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes
Twas His intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow,
By God's Providence he was catche'd
With a dark lantern and a burning match

Holloa boys! Holoa boys! Make the bells ring!
Holoa boys! Holoa boys! God save the king!
Hip Hip, Hoorah!

A penny Loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o cheese to choke him
A pint of beer to rinse it down
A faggot of sticks to burn him
Burn him in a tub of tar
Burn him like a blazing star
Burn his body from his head
Then we'll say old Pope is dead

Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!

Have you done your patriotic duty today? Now is the time to frighten the Catholics into accepting their place. Long live freedom!

Dé Sathairn, Samhain 04, 2006

Lincoln on a saturday

My city is a lovely place on a warm game-day afternoon. Husker fans spilled out anywhere between 7th and 27th, D st and Holdrege Street. The sound of the stadium crowd can be easily heard from my apartment, a mile away. Outstate types drinking their Bud-Light in University parking lots, with an unofficial wink and nod from campus cops. For some reason, I don't hate the visitors today. Just in a good mood I guess (Oh yeah, we won.) And warm too, 60 degrees and sunny in November, very nice.

So I'm just sitting here, lazily writing a formless something. It's not a poem, it's not a story, there is no point really.

It's just that Saturdays in Lincoln Nebraska are quite pleasant.

Dé hAoine, Samhain 03, 2006

Complete Voting Guide

All who fail to vote as I instruct them shall be the first against the wall.

Senate: Ernie Chambers

NE Governor:
Barry Richards

U.S. House-
NE Dist. 1:
Brother Matt "Sledgehammer" Borgualt

NE Unicam-
46th Dist:
Gary "freedom flyer" Walker (deceased)

County Assesor: If you don't know who to vote for, you are already dead.

NU Board Of Regents: Vote for the entire "free John Belot" slate

Myself, Geddy Lee, Art Bell, Superfly, Billy Jack, Neko Case, His Holiness Benedict XVI, and Keith Olbermann

Election prediction: Dems will retake house but fall short of Senate. This will be of no long term consequence, however. In 20 years the two major faction in American politics will be the American Nihilist Party and the Church of Voluntery Human Extinction. We're proud of our Black State values around here.

Barry Richards for governor of Nebraska

"Giving students over to teacher's aides with the towels on their heads and the funny speak..... I just think that's wrong" Barry Richards

'Huffing fertilizer helps me detect socialists.'

This blog enthusiastically endorses the only man with the balls to speak out against the outrage of forigners teaching at a UNIVERSity. Though some of these "teachers aides"(They're called grad students Barry, but that's alright.) have a better grasp of English grammer than Mr. Richards does (You shouldn't say folks when talking to a single interviewer Barry, but that's alright.) Like the man himself says..... It's just wrong.

I also must say that his plan to replace sales and income taxes with a "transaction tax" is truly revolutionary. How is a transaction tax different from a sales tax? Well you see, it won't just be for sales, but for every transaction and.... never mind.

It's high past time we take government out of schools and put God, ... shit, I can't even be sarcastic anymore. It's just that for some reason I like this batshit loco hillbilly racist. Somebody vote for him so that he doesn't feel too bad.

Déardaoin, Samhain 02, 2006

Kerry's Comment

Whether he intended to or not, Senator John Kerry told the truth. What's shocking is that such an establishment figure, a 20 year US Senator and former major party presidential nominee, would be so honest.

The fact is that the rich and educated don't join the military and don't go to Iraq. If a kid comes from a rich, respectible family, than he or she is automatically a first-class citizen, no need to contribute anything to society. Just go to college for five or six years and indulge in all the liquor and lipstick lesbians you can handle.

If one comes from a poor family, and doesn't do so well in school because the family emphesized "practical" blue collar skills over "book smarts." than the military is often the only way to avoid second-class citizenship.

There was a saying in 18th century Britain. The last line was something like "after a dog, a soldier." Meaning that the military was considered to be a last resort option in an increasingly decadent and imperialistic society.

The United States has become much like the British Empire was in the decades before it collapsed. Poor, often minority "expendibles" are sent to do the dirty work so that upper classes can rule and their children can play. I know only wild-eyed radicals would say such a thing in public, but lets be honest now shall we.

There are plenty of studies that document who joins the military and why. If you are one of the "expendibles" you can deal with the information in two ways. You can take it as a personal insult and shoot the messenger, or you can detach yourself, think about what the numbers mean, and what you can do about it. The later option may strike you as so cold or unmanly that it's not worth considering. But if you choose the former, I can assure you that the new dark age that is the 21st century will grind you into dust.

Homecoming game for a division title

Tension. feel it., if it comes close to tearing you to pieces, than you are alive.

The comforts of family are meaningless now. You have no mother, and you know very well who your father is. This father has no father himself. You have no grandfather.

Yea, when the title wave comes, ye shall be occupied. when the heavens are rent asunder ye shall not notice. When the Earth shakes itself to dust you shall pay no heed.

There is no doubt that ye shall cast all the familiar Gods, every reminder of home and hearth overboard, if it shall bring agility to the great levathian. How can it be otherwise? All who have loved have already been exterminated. Only those with the wisdom to feel hatred for their enemies; and nothing more. Only they remain.

Reader, do not think for a second that you shall survive. The very unverse shall be torn to pieces, and the entrails of reality itself exposed. Why should you think that ye shall be spared? Because you have shopping to do, meals to eat, girls to defile? Look at the stars and see if they are moved. Than realize that you are a god compared to what the stars are to ...

.....the game. Ye shall have faith in the game and nothing else. the time for delusions is long passed. You are scum.

Missouri 31-28


I posted a week ago that Dave Simpson is the former editor of the North Platte Telegraph. I must have misheard the news. The old jackass may be planning to move back to Wyoming, but as of today he's still there. And yes, you better believe he's pimping hard for Mike Greene and his baby. Sorry about the misinformation. You should be ashamed for getting your news from the internet anyway.

Bush to visit Third District

This is beyond shocking. Never mind the fact the Democratic Scott Kleeb might win (he won't, simply can't be done I'm afraid.) But the fact the the man himself is coming to the sticks is an upset in and of itself. This is the Nebraska third. I'm from those parts, the correctness of conservatism is considered beyond debate by all elements of the establishment, local news media, mayors, sheriffs, churches (of course) business "pillars." For a Democrat to pull 45% in this environment would be humiliating to the GOP.
Kleeb actually won the endorsement of the Omaha World-Herald, which simply never endorses a rookie Democrat. The local papers like the Grand Island Independent and the (shudder) North Platte Telegraph have been forced to abandon any pretense of favoring a general philosophy over a particular party in endorsing Smith. The Independent has even resorted to parroting lines from the Republican bullshit mill. Saying Smith will better protect "traditional values" "home and Hearth" you no the drill. Smith is an autotron on an almost Rickitonian level. He'll support the president, oppose the death tax, and endorse a culture of life. If you ask him a question that his nothing to do with his rehearsed message, he will tell you that he will support the president, oppose the death tax, and endorse a culture of life. In endorsing Kleeb, the World-Herald politely pointed out that there simply isn't much to Smith.

Perhaps Smith (and Rickitts for that matter) are symptomatic of what's wrong with the GOP. Once upon a time, there were republicans like Eisenhower and Goldwater who were sly, skeptical, and even entertained an independent thought or two. But it seems that the modern party's disgusting cult of authority (present since the Reagan days, made worse since 9/11) combined with fanatical demands for ideological purity (ditto) has sucked the life out of individual candidates. Now some have been reduced to hillarious absurdity as they rail against the same old boogeymen. (It's going to be a big ole homsexual, illeagal immigrant fiesta.)

As I've said, this will still be enough to win the likes of the Nebraska third. I truly believe that some areas of the interior know that they are in social decay, but would rather die than give up the delusion of moral supiriority over the filthy city. So be it.