Déardaoin, Aibreán 29, 2010

Top Ten FC:s

1. Inter Milan (Hope you're happy you dirty bunker-ball playing borderline cheating bastards)
2. Bayern Munich
3. Barcelona
4. Chelsea
5. Marseille
6. Manchester United
7. Real Madrid
8. Roma
9. Estudiantes

Dé Céadaoin, Aibreán 28, 2010

Oh Sweet Jesus Fuck

In lieu of the Inter at Barca Champions League semi-final, Fox Sports Net 'Kansas City' is instead treating us to a baseball game between the Royals and Mariners, two teams who are a combined 18-23.

People generally cheered when Fox Sports took over American Champions League broadcasts from ESPN, because there is no one, least of all myself, who disputes that the entire ESPN empire is choleric diarrhea. But at least it's an international, bazillion dollar concern that would never broascast a Royals/Mariners game to anyone for any reason ever. The trouble with Fox Sports Net is that it's made up of exactly that, loosely connected 'nets' or regional affiliates with regional commitments.

Still it's no excuse. Surely there must be a limit for how long Kansas City has to suck at everything before their sports teams stop getting the default regional treatment in the Omalink area, or Kansas City for that matter. I mean it's bad enough to watch the Chiefs morbidly go through the motions of a 24-3 loss to a playoff bubble team. But when the Champions League, which is one of the greatest events in not only sports but all of leisure and entertainment, gets bumped in favor of the K.C. Royals, the sight of whom has been known to drive billionaire princes to suicide, something is profoundly wrong.

Isn't high past time we as a society stop pretending that there's any sort of civic duty to support teams that have been Godawful for longer than you've had pubic hair? I'm not suggesting that run become a 'front-runner' supporting the Yankees or the Lakers from wherever you happen to be just for a cheap thrill and bigger internet penis, I'm saying that you should just let your shitty teams die, naturally, mercifully. Boycott any media organ that says anything about the Royals, any radio station that broadcasts their games, any newspaper featuring a sportswriter spitting out cliched lines of dismay at how a local team that has never had 'it' can somehow get 'it' together in time for, what exactly? Playoffs? PLAYOFFS? I suggest nothing radical foreisn or communistic, never would I dare suggest that American sports ditch their six-month long postseasons or install Euro-style relegation to the minor leagues for bad teams. Rather what I suggest is something like relegation through capitalism, that's American enough isn't it?

And don't worry Kansas City, no one's going to think that you're second-rate if you don't have a baseball team anymore. We already know you're second rate because a shopping-mall of bars is the peak of your culture. And for the love of a starving crack whore will you please do something about that riverfront?

Dé Máirt, Aibreán 27, 2010


Keeps insisting that I drive her to Ogalala and mistakes every beeping electronic device as a phone call from relatives.

Last night she said she had to go to the bathroom. After I scrambled to find a nurse and we helper her out of bed she said she didn't need to go. I can only hope that this was deliberate subterfuge. That would be a good sign.

Déardaoin, Aibreán 22, 2010

"Bolivian president Evo Morales is under fire for suggesting that eating hormone-injected chicken could provoke male 'deviance'".


This, incidentally, is Urban dictionary's 7th definition of "chicken".

"A term used to describe a young (generally gay) male; often used with connotations of twink."

Umm hmm.

Post 666

Dé Céadaoin, Aibreán 21, 2010

She Recognizes Me

She asked me, "What do you need hon?"


Top ten FCs

1. Bayern Munich (Default Choice, only team leading its Champions League tie and national league)
2. Barcelona (Head to head with Inter is 1-1-1 counting the group phase, and they haven't been knocked out yet.)
3. Inter Milan
4. Roma
5. Chelsea
6. Marseille
7. Manchester United
8. Real Madrid
9. Estudiantes
10. Schalke

Dé Luain, Aibreán 19, 2010


She's Breathing on her own now, stirs and mumbles when somebody speaks to her.


List of Sovereign Nations or Semi-Autonomous Entities Not Yet Hated By God According to the Westboro Baptist Church


Antigua and Barbuda
Cayman Islands
Costa Rica
El Salvador
Puerto Rico
St. Kitts & Nevis
St. Lucia
St. Martin
St. Vincent & the Grenadines
Trinidad & Tobago
UK Virgin Islands
US Virgin Islands


Bosnia & Herzegovina
Czech Republic
Isle of Man
San Marino
Svalbard and Jan Mayan Islands


West Bank


Cape Verde
Central African Republic
Equatorial Guinea
Sierra Leone
Western Sahara


American Samoa
Cook Islands
East Timor
Marshall Islands
New Zealand
Northern Mariana Islands
Pitcairn Islands
Salomon Islands

Roland was a warrior from the Land of the Midnight Sun
With a Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done
The deal was made in Denmark on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Biafra to join the bloody fray

Through sixty-six and seven they fought the Congo war
With their fingers on their triggers, knee-deep in gore
For days and nights they battled the Bantu to their knees
They killed to earn their living and to help out the Congolese

Roland the Thompson gunner...

His comrades fought beside him - Van Owen and the rest
But of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best
So the CIA decided they wanted Roland dead
That son-of-a-***** Van Owen blew off Roland's head

2 years ago
Roland the headless Thompson gunner
Norway's bravest son
Time, time, time
For another peaceful war
But time stands still for Roland
'Til he evens up the score
They can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the muzzle flash of Roland's Thompson gun
In the muzzle flash of Roland's Thompson gun

Roland searched the continent for the man who'd done him in
He found him in Mombassa in a barroom drinking gin
Roland aimed his Thompson gun - he didn't say a word
But he blew Van Owen's body from there to Johannesburg

Roland the headless Thompson gunner...
The eternal Thompson gunner
still wandering through the night
Now it's ten years later but he still keeps up the fight
In Ireland, in Lebanon, in Palestine and Berkeley
Patty Hearst heard the burst of Roland's Thompson gun and bought it

Warren Zevon

Déardaoin, Aibreán 15, 2010

Lady Gaga

Hearing her makes me feel guilty for not being really jacked on cocaine at that moment. Other then that I have no opinion.

True Story Bro

In the hospital last week my dad asked me if I wanted to watch "The Blindside" with him. When I demurred he helpfully pointed out that "I think this is something you would want to see, it's based on a true story."

And that was it. True story=good. His face was childlike bafflement after I nodded and kept walking.

I remember the "Million Little Pieces" kerfuffle and incidents similar to it. I remember reading a column by Kathleen Parker, queen of the domesticated* (By which I mean queen of those who put a terrible amount of effort into being normal, male or female.) She stated that the writing in 'Little Pieces' was awful, full of chop flowing purple prose, unpoetical description, phony macho stammering, etc; and that she never would have finished the book unless she "knew" it was a true story.

So it's obvious that common people take it as common sense fact that a true story is inherently better than the exact same story being imagined; and this is a philosophical blind spot for me. I have no theory for why this is, less then that I have absolutely no clue for why this is, no idea of what aspect of human nature I should begin looking at to find the answer. Perhaps it's simply gossip given a sheen of dignity when put in print? Maybe I could find something to dig at there. Damned odd all the same.

Dé Céadaoin, Aibreán 14, 2010

Too Many Dicks on The Dance Floor

Too many dicks on the dance floor
Too many dicks on the dance floor
Too many dicks
Too many dicks on the dance floor
Too many dicks
Too many dicks on the dance floor
Too many dicks


Going to the party
Sippin' on Bacardi
Wanna meet a hottie
But there's Adam, Steve and Marty
There's Billy, Todd and Tommy
They're on leave from the army
The only boobs I'll see tonight will be made of origami

Tell the players, make it understood
It ain't no good if there's too much wood
Make sure you know before you go
The dance floor bro-hoe ratio
Five to one is a brodeo
Tell Steve and Mike it's time to go
Wait outside all night to find
Twenty dudes in a conga line

Too many dicks on the dance floor
Easy to fix
Too many dicks on the dance floor
Spread out the dicks

Too many dudes
With too many dicks
Too close to my shit
Too hard to meet chicks
I need better odds
More broads, less rods
I came to do battle
Scadaddle with the cattle prods

Too many men
Too many boys
Too many misters
Not enough sisters
Too much time on, too many hands
Not enough ladies, too many mans

Too many dicks
Too many dongs
Too many schlongs
Now sing this song

“I am NOT an African American, I am Lloyd Marcus, AMERICAN”.

"Lloyd Marcus, (black) Unhyphenated American, Tea Party Spokesperson and Troubadour, releases his much anticipated book; Confessions of a Black Conservative: How the Left has shattered the dreams of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Black America.

Mr. Marcus travels extensively singing his originals, American Tea Party Anthem and Twenty Ten, Vote Them Out to thousands in audiences across America. At each event Marcus receives raucous applause for his signature statement, “I am NOT an African American, I am Lloyd Marcus, AMERICAN”.

Lloyd Marcus believes America is the greatest land of opportunity on the planet for all who simply choose to Go For It! It is Mr. Marcus’ wish that this book will contribute to opening the eyes of his fellow black Americans who have been deceived for so many years by liberal leaders committed to keeping them on the victim-hood plantation of Liberalism.

Lloyd Marcus, international singer/songwriter/entertainer/columnist/artist tells in his new book, through his own personal stories which chronicles the virtues of Conservatism in common sense easy to understand non political terms, why Conservatism is best for all Americans.

About the Author: Lloyd Marcus was born in the ghetto of East Baltimore and by the young age of 9 recognized the entitlements from government birthed resentment and hostilities. Fortunately, Lloyd Marcus’ dad rose above and as a responsible father, brought his family out of the ghetto and raised Mr. Marcus and his siblings into fine responsible Americans relying on their education and faith in the American Way.

Lloyd Marcus resides in Deltona Florida with his wife as President of the Deltona Arts & Historical Center. He travels with the Tea Party Express and appears at conservative events expressing his belief that Conservatism is best for All Americans. He is available to speak at events promoting Conservatism.

Mr. Marcus’ American Tea Party Anthem, the rally song of the Tea Party Movement is available on the American Tea Party full cd/album of 12 great conservative Take Back America patriotic upbeat songs."


Imagine, if you will, the Plymouth colonists being the only people to ever settle in a previously empty North America, without any other ethnic group ever making the voyage voluntarily or otherwise, so that the Pilgrims were left to inbreed amongst themselves until the current population of the United States was made up entirely of three hundred and ten million Anglo-Saxon Phillip Frys. Do you think it would be remotely possible for every individual within this albino horde to have a uniform understanding of who 'we' are? An unvarying notion of what constitutes "we"?

However angel-dust-lemming-insane the American Right has become in the past twenty years, it has always managed to stop just shy of descending into full-on fascism, and I think this is one of the key reasons why. Fascism understands that uniform national identity needs to be imposed on the unwilling, whereas American conservatives are either naive and/or outright stupid enough to think that it is somehow the natural order of things for three hundred million sons of bitches to have a singular social identity, and that some dark p.c. conspiracy is the only explanation for why this isn't so. Multiculturalism cannot possibly be the logical outcome of global capitalism, because Real Americans 'know' that capitalism is perfectly good, and multiculturalism brings people who pray to Gods that are not the mirror image of Real Americans. It brings people who speak different languages, and different languages remind Real Americans that they aren't the subject of every ones conversation and the center of every ones universe; and that makes them feel bad.

One may think the fact that a Black man can pride himself on being a Real American; the universal standard of human normality locked in eternal combat against a world of effeminate enemies, is just about the ultimate proof that multiculturalism is damned high inevitable. Nonsense. Lloyd Marcus proves just the opposite don't you see? He was simply able to recognize that there is a standard, concrete, and unchanging American culture, which by pure coincidence just happens to be Northern European and Protestant, and that it was his patriotic duty to become the WASP Leviathan. And there's no reason why those God Damned hoodrats can't do the same. If they can't or won't submit then fuck em; they can just stay in the gutter and; well, not starve, we'll find something to lock em up for and then I supose we'll feed them, but fuck em all the same. We tread on you, and don't you ever forget it ya filthy pissants.

Dé Máirt, Aibreán 13, 2010

The Bailiff of Guernsey

Do you know what it takes to be the Bailiff of Guernsey? The Channel Islands, they're fucking important you know, right there in the Channel, easy lillypad for the enemy, points straight towards the mainland. Easy invasion jumping off point Guernsey.

Historically anyone seeking Bailiff had to have their hands tied behind their backs and over their crotches and than have their feet strapped to their shoulders with sealing wax. Being left in this position for seventy eight days in a darkened room guarantees your honesty. After this you are presented before the monarch and simply state, (not swear, since you've been rendered incapable of lying) that you shall be loyal to the monarch for the rest of your days and commit the citizenry of Guernsey to fight to the last child if the invader comes. You can just send an e-mail anymore. the Queen rather prefers that.

The position is for life though not hereditary, and you will likely be tested at some point of your professional life. In spite of your new constitutional honesty you are a privileged man, snd so you must be tested. The tests that we know of have all been the same since the beginning. The Monarch drunk drives to your place from Paris and asks if he can stay the night. To this you will of course say of course. But this is not the test. The test begins when the Queen's guards 'kidnap' your children around four in the morning. (No, your kids aren't in on the gag, not usually.) An hour later they'll call you on the phone claiming to be giants or Muslims or sirens and demand you give them the keys to Guernsey in return for your children. Guernsey is an island. Islands don't have keys. If this is how you answer than you fail the test. There is no pragmatism in justice, no weak, willed thought or practical judgment. So the only correct answer is to refuse the ultimatum and challenge the kidnappers to a fight to the death. They will agree to this and meet you at the town square around dawn. They may or may not be wearing a papaer-mache costume (Called a mayyfv) of whatever enemy they're pretending to be, but it will be your responsibility to recognize them all the same. If you win the fight, and the Queen decides not to have you executed for killing her grocery boy, you pass the test. Pass the test three times and you win veto power over Irish weather.

It's been said that all of the Bailiffs of Guernsey have been impotent since the
"Chunnel" was opened, but in fact the opposite is true. This is why James I was never the slightest bit fooled by the "son of" Bailiff Rigjycke, and why those who to this day believe the legend of this "son" and his supposed exploits in Asia are just damned blinkered fools. There was nothing of the man that wasn't fraudulent, and he killed John Calvin, the swine.

Hadn't Heard This one Before

“Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of 'The Lion King' for instance, and a teacher might say, “Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?” The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.” — Senator Michele Bachmann, speaking at EdWatch National Education Conference, November 6, 2004."

I don't think there's been any doubt that being gay makes one a better piano player since my great-grandparents' day. And honestly, the "Lion King" soundtrack is kind of wan. Keep your kids the hell away from "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" whatever you do.

Listen to Your Nightmares

Or at least stay asleep, and you will wake up much less delusional than before.

Dé Luain, Aibreán 12, 2010



I myself have always known women who get high, lots of them. and it is odd that all the low-brow stoner movies are male-buddy comedies. Is there something to the notion that potheads are assumed to be bad nurturers or that women are less fun-loving? Probably.

It's Refreshing when They're Straight up About How They Think.

And also profoundly strange.

Leadership requires a maturity of judgment that enables one to recognize and confront reality even when reality is not as hoped. President Barack Obama's actions repeatedly demonstrate an absence of this essential maturity.

"Consider as examples his New Start Treaty and his plan to stop using our nuclear arsenal as a deterrent to aggressors. Watching him in both instances is like watching the governor of Nebraska develop and implement a plan to treat equally the Russian Brotherhood, the Chinese Tongs, the Mexican Mafia, the drug-dealing branch of the Hell's Angels, Chief Tom Casady and the Nebraska State Patrol.

Although he went to Normandy, the president seems nonetheless to ignore the 400,000 Gold Star mothers from World War II whose sons lie buried across the world where they died defending freedom as well as the mass graves of the oppressed buried by tyrants from Japan and Germany; China and Russia; Serbia, Iraq and Iran.

Obama needs to stop trying to NEUTER the United States, whose nuclear weapons have made the world a safer place, and start trying to help Israel NEUTER the Iranians and other actual threats to human rights and liberty.
" William Stone, Lincoln Journal Star, 4/12/1010

I guess I should be disturbed by the tacit equation between male sexuality and the ability/willingess to kill and destroy without restraint, but its not as if stone Willy is the one who made that up, it's an idea that every strapping Midwestern lad has had, how can I say, shoved down his throat since the days of our ancestors. It's a mindset that's been elaborated and critiqued to the point of nausea and I'm in no mood scold Stone Willy for his hard, towering brutishness.

Those who equate virility with the capacity for violent force have already been made into laughable figures by more talented effete eggheads than myself. And yet these guys are still out there, perfectly devoid of any sense of humor and irony and only dimly aware that anyone snickers at them. And isn't that whats funniest of all?

Dé hAoine, Aibreán 09, 2010

Say Hello To My Cousin Brian

NP man busted with meth ingredients, pipe bomb Tell North Platte what you think
by Ben Schwartz (North Platte Bulletin) - 4/8/2010

A North Platte man wound up in Lincoln County Jail April 7 on charges of manufacturing methamphetamine and possessing a destructive device.

NebraskaLand National Bank FREE Mobile Banking NOW AVAILABLE!

A police spokesperson said as investigator went to 1601 Preston Court to investigate possible child abuse. Brian Keith, 32, was the focus of the investigation.

While the officer was at the door, they detected the odor of marijuana so a search warrant was secured. During the search, officers discovered an improvised explosive device. The spokesperson identified the object as a pipe bomb. The Nebraska State Patrol bomb technician was called in and disarmed the explosive, rendering it inert.

Authorities also discovered a suspected meth lab in a camper behind the home. They believe that meth was being manufactured due to the nature of the chemicals discovered and paraphernalia that indicated meth had been used, the spokesperson said.

Keith’s manufacturing charge is an enhancement offense due to his home’s proximity to Buffalo Elementary School. The class-one B felony carries a maximum of life in prison and a minimum of 20 years.

The destructive device charge is a class-four felony, with a maximum of five years in prison, a $10,000 fine, or both.

The investigation into child abuse is continuing, the spokesperson said, and Keith’s three children are now in the care of HHS.

Dé Céadaoin, Aibreán 07, 2010

Top ten FC's: Post Euro Cup Quarters

1. Barcelona
2. Inter Milan
3. Bayern Munich
4. Chelsea
5. Lyon
6. Real Madrid
7. Manchester United (Suck my typical German dick Ferguson.)
8. Arsenal
9. Independiente
10. Roma

Dé Máirt, Aibreán 06, 2010

Notes On A Vigil

My mother is suffering from a skull fracture, gained in a truck accident while trying to uphold my late grandfather's tradition of keeping a large garden. This was Sunday, my birthday, when this happened. I've mentioned this in other places and now here it is on my official public voice. (hah!) Her brain is still swelling and she isn't exactly stable. If she's still with us forty eight hours from now than she'll probably stay that way, in whatever state. She's in a medically induced coma so that she can't hear me when I say say that I love her, but I can still say so all the same, for my own sake without the risk of exciting her and causing blood to rush to run to her brain. That's the best hope for seeing her again as she truly is, to keep her unfeeling and alone.

For my sixth birthday she took me to this hot dog and video game place called W.C. Franks that I just loved to fucking death. The food must have been less than clean because I puked on the floor after two bites of my chili dog and felt sick for the rest of the day. She was so sad for me.

She's been at the Kearney hospital since Sunday and I've been here since last night. I stepped out for a couple of hours earlier just because I needed to. A place off Central Avenue downtown called the Palm Inn (or something like that) filled with farmers and hardhats who smelled each others farts and used faggot as their playful insult of default.

Some guy at the end of the bar, a corn farmer said that anyone who requested the fat be cut off of their steak was a "faggot fucker." I restrined myself from telling him that since faggot is a sexual orientation, then a faggot fucker can be more simply referred to as a faggot.

They all sung the praises of magic mushrooms, and hoped that todays rain would bring them their sweet psilocybin. This surprised me not at all. I've known some stone hicks who loved to trip and aren't any more enlightened than before, and I never bought into the romance that they would be anyway.

The women of Axtell, NE about fifteen miles south of here. are apparently famous for their beauty. They say that the women there who are my age now made the state basketball tournament back in the day, that they would wear makeup on the court, look pretty and win at the same time. Since the accident I've been having these sudden cravings for sex that are terribly intense for a few minutes and then just dissapear. I don't know whether to feel like the skum of the earth for feeling them or if it's just a natural reaction. And what am I going to do about it anyway, invite a woman to the ICU waiting room?

It's a quarter after eleven and I'll have the waiting room to myself until dawn barring late night calamity for someone else. I have a book. There's a kitchenette. We wait.

Dé Domhnaigh, Aibreán 04, 2010

"Google has a history of being pro-Islamic and anti-Christian. This is nothing new for these bigots".


Why do Right-Wing Christians feel entitled to have their religious festivals acknowledged and approved of by perfect strangers, be they private corporations or random sales clerks?

When one is speaking to a social superior, one must always be sure to first bow and than address him as "Sire" or "My Lord"; every time without fail, no matter how mundane the subject at hand may seem. The consequences of failing to do this are extreme, and rightfully so.

It's as simple as that really.

Dé Sathairn, Aibreán 03, 2010

Mersault as Played By Superman. Oh Hell Yes.


I Ain't Jacked My Lumber Baby, Since My Chain Saw You

I've been thinking of the time I saw these guys in 02 for whatever reason.

I was born in the backwoods
Of a two-bit nowhere town
Fathered up some rock 'n' roll (baby)
So you muthers could boogie down
I ain't whistling dixie
No I'm a rebel with a groove
All around the world the ygo 'round and 'round
When they dig on my new stainless steel sound

I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm gonna cut you down to size
I'm a lumberjack baby
And you're the one that gets my prize
And when you hear my motor running
You know I surely be coppin' a rise
So I'm gonna crank it up and cut it down

I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm a lumberjack now baby
I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm a lumberjack baby
But I ain't jacked my lumber baby
Since my chain saw you

I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm gonna cut you down to size
I'm a lumberjack baby
And you're the one that gets my prize
And when you hear my motor running
You know I surely be coppin' a rise
So I'm gonna crank it up and cut it down

I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm a lumberjack now baby
I'm a lumberjack baby
I'm a lumberjack baby
But I ain't jacked my lumber baby
Since my chain saw you

Whether you like it, or whether you don't: That's the way we like ittttttttt!!!!

Behold the glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A52p9jc-gOo

Dé hAoine, Aibreán 02, 2010

Pussy Faggot Liberals are Violent Fanatics who will Bite the Fingers of Real Americans who Manfully Punch Them


8. The followers must feel humiliated by the ostentatious wealth and force of their enemies.

When I was a boy I was taught to think of Englishmen as the five-meal people. They ate more frequently than the poor but sober Italians. Jews are rich and help each other through a secret web of mutual assistance. However, the followers of Ur-Fascism must also be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak. Fascist governments are condemned to lose wars because they are constitutionally incapable of objectively evaluating the force of the enemy.
- Umberto Eco