Everything I can do I ought to do

My lunchtime fortune cookie has inspired me.

I ought to live to be 38,000
I ought to freeze the movement of the earth at exactly 15:45:36 G.M.T. on the autumnal equinox.
I ought to conquer Mongolia with nothing but the counsul of the re-animated corpse of Joseph Kennedy Sr.
I ought to bodily possess everyone involved in the battle of Stalingrad at the same time, and engage the different parts of my phyche in mortal combat, experiencing death and victory thousands of times at the same time.
I ought to time warp with my mind, brutally rape Shakespere throughout his childhood, and see how it affects his writing.
While travelling in said time warp, I ought to wipe out all of the origenal oxygen breathing bacteria so that earth is forever a mars-like wasteland.
I ought to completly re-arrange lesbian porn cliches into something coherent.
I ought to get back to work so I can catch some Jazz at the Zoo tonight.