Dé hAoine, Eanáir 16, 2009

Equating 1-seat majority with Right-Wing Mandate=1 Seat Minority


There are rules to operating in a two party system, consisting of a generic left-of-center party and a generic right-of-center party, the most important rule is accepting that the political realm will not be the one to provide you with an all-encompassing philosophy that removes all doubt and sense of vulnerability. Move to the Andes, marry an illiterate teenager, and hunt alpaca if that's what you want. Leave the business of governing to those who live on planet Earth.

Tennessee Republicans came out of the November elections with a 50-49 majority in that state's house of representatives. Any fool with the slightest understanding of politics knows such a situation would require the bare-majority party to keep its moderates happy, as Senate Democrats have done with Joe Lieberman, despite the vitriol among liberal bloggers directed towards the rat bastard.

But the modern GOP isn't elitist enough to elect any fool to positions of power,only the transcendentally stupid need apply. The people truly reign only when they elect state legislators who fail to understand either their own state legislature or the general workings of any parliamentary body anywhere.

So it was utterly predictable that Tennessee Republicans interpreted their microscopic victory as a unanimous cry from the Volunteer state for allowing feti to carry guns and carving the Ten Commandments out of the Smoky Mountains, utterly predictable that house elephants would try to muscle their members into elevating shaved gorilla theocrat Jason Mumpower to the speaker's chair. The right wing of the party's caucus honestly believed that it could spend two years ramming its agenda through one single-vote victory at a time, going so far as to have house members sign a pledge saying that they will vote for any GOP candidate for speaker.

Enter moderate Republican Kent Williams, who signed the pledge and held to it.
Williams has in the past been bullied for his moderation. He had to fight off a far-right challenge in the primary from a candidate backed by Mumpower, and has even received a few threats from the most deranged homophobes and Mexican hunters. Having had enough, Williams struck a deal with the forty nine house Democrats to honor his pledge by voting for himself, and getting the support of the entire Democratic caucus to give him a majority of one. After Mumpower was dutifully nominated for speaker, and after a intoxicatingly pathetic attempt to shut down nominations immediately after failed, Williams name was offered for consideration, the Democrats lined up behind him, and he won.

One might think the fact that Jason Mumpower was completely owned by a school-board level maneuver proves his inability to serve as speaker. Nonsense. Only elitists believe that there is any such thing as ability. No, there is only proper belief.
If the past two elections have taught us anything, it is that absolutely nothing, not even two deliciously brutal defeats, will ever remove the right-winger's sense of entitlement. He is wholly unconcerned about Real Americans being in the minority. In fact he would love nothing more than to be the only Real American, so long as he can reign eternally over the defiled.

And so the impotent rage of the GOP Volunteers was the most predictable part of this story of all, save perhaps for their craven dishonesty.

“'Kent Williams has betrayed his constituents and the people of Carter County in breaking his pledge — his signed oath — to vote for the nominee of the Republican caucus for Speaker of the House,' says Tennessee Republican Party Chairwoman Robin Smith."

Except no.

"According to a text of the pledge, the House Republican Caucus members committed only to “vote for a Republican for Speaker of the Tennessee House of Representatives” as well as a Republican Speaker Pro Tempore."

Kent Williams pledged himself only to vote for a Republican, and he did. And now, thanks to a Dr. Suess-level failure of logic that is nobody's fault but your own, the representatives of the people of Tennessee just may have to act like adults instead of biovolating for two years about Spanish-speaking pot smoking homosexual Christmas tree killers.

To the modern conservative, being forced to act like an adult is the ultimate embodiment of hell. One wonders how church attendance in Tennessee will be affected.

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