Déardaoin, Eanáir 08, 2009

Brent Bozell III Thinks You're Stupid


Bozell is the former head of the Parents Television Council, the group that has been making hay for the past eight years filing complaints with a sympathetic FCC about people saying naughty words and she-devils showing their naughty parts. What makes Bozell so interesting is how he doesn't make the slightest attempt to be an honest intellectual broker. He is the purest and most unabashed right-wing hack one will ever find; chaining himself to the wall of the echo chamber and chirping away. For proof of this one need only consider the title of Bozell's last book, "Whitewash: How The News Media Are Paving Hillary Clinton's Path to the Presidency"

It will never stop being funny will it? When one thinks of how the right wing spent years coordinating an elaborate point-by-point smear campaign against Hillary Clinton to be deployed at critical points of the presidential race, then was forced to scramble up a confused and pathetically lame narrative of otherness against the man they never dreamed could possibly win, my God. This will never, ever, cease to be perfectly hilarious. Nothing else is remotely humorous by comparison. The once feared right-wing noise machine has been talking to nobody but itself for at least four years now, and still they are too stupid to notice. Magnificent.

But I digress. I post here to discuss an article Bozell just wrote concerning an incident between NBC and lovable muppet Ann Coulter. It seems that "The Today Show" was going to have Coulter on to hawk her latest paginated tantrum before liberal pressure groups complained. Bozell's column is part of the conservative pressure group counter that ended up getting Coulter rescheduled and dutifully interviewed by Matt Lauer yesterday morning.

I must say that I disapprove of how "Crooks and Liars" and other lefty sites tried to have Coulter yanked off the show. I for one am not offended by Coulter's shtick, partly because I really am a Muslim-loving homosexual Communist who masturbates at the sight of aborted fetuses, but mostly because I find Coulter to be terribly sad, and I do pity her. Ann Coulter writes books for people who buy one or two books a decade from some shopping mall storefront if they have any cash left over from their purchase of a fine oil painting of a Labrador retrieving a duck. Ann Coulter makes a living, and like I said, right wing media have grown so stupid that not even those who are slightly dull and blinkered by television believe what they have to say anymore. Coulter makes her living by shilling to the absolute dumbest of the dumb, and while she is perfectly worthless to society, I really don't think that she makes society any worse then it already is. This is the only thing that has kept Ann Coulter from a screaming meth habit and a history of physical abuse against obese barber college dropout boyfriends one-third her age. So be it.

Let me digress further to explain how pressure groups work. You may have been puzzled in the past when some mighty organization caved in to the demands of some tiny and obscure advocacy group. It's quite simple really. Any corporation that has grown so large that its potential customer base is all of humanity has no choice but to try to never piss off anybody. Small dips in revenue can cause the most nervous shareholders to jump ship and lead to a chain reaction, and so a group of a few hundred out of a world population of billions has a good chance of getting their way if they threaten to boycott this or that for whatever reason. And so the Coulter/Today incident became a deeply childish game played by respectable grown up burghers who manage to keep their faces straight if not their dignity.

While I do disapprove of liberal objections to a perfectly irrelevant woman appearing on a nearly irrelevant show, the conservative reaction was, predictably, that of hyperdramatic teenagers. The Drudge Report screamed that Coulter had been "BANNED FOR LIFE" from NBC based on the word of a "top network executive" who supposedly claimed "We're simply not going to have her on anymore, it's over." This was nothing but the truth, Coulter was going to be on "Today" and then she wasn't anymore; and now she has been. Of course "anymore" is a phrase that is rarely used literally. Just last week I told a barmaid that I didn't want to drink anymore, and yet I was drunk last night.

Which finally brings us back around to Bozell, who takes the "BANNED FOR LIFE!!!!!111111lol" angle and runs with it.

"The Drudge Report caused a firestorm when anonymous NBC insiders leaked the word that Coulter had been "banned for life" from that network. CBS featured her on 'The Early Show,' and a combative Harry Smith tried to insult her to the extreme. He called her 'goofy,' 'simplistic,' 'sophomoric' and a 'whiner.' 'You should have a cross,' he said dismissively. "You should put yourself up on a cross." Why are they so upset?"

Mr. Bozell, is that really your idea of insulting somebody to the extreme, you gynophobic boot-licking Nazi son of a fat whore? If you think that was "insulting to the extreme" then you couldn't possibly know that Coulter is a fellow conservative, because you've never read anything that she's written. Here's some quotes from "Guilty: Liberal 'Victims' and Their Assault on America" copied and pasted courtesy of Media Matters.

Liberals' hysterical obsession with the "Republican Attack Machine" turns Democratic primaries into a contest of: "Who's the Biggest Pussy?" Although I would have voted for "All of Them," inasmuch as none of the Democrats could face questions from Fox News's Brit Hume, the winner turned out to be [Barack] Obama. Hillary [Clinton] claimed to be a victim of Republicans, while Obama claimed to be a victim of Republicans, Hillary, and racists. [Page 79]

Even grifters know that to be embraced by the cool people in America, you must claim to be a victim, preferably abused by religious fundamentalists.
In a related phenomenon, various half-black celebrities insist on representing themselves simply as "black" -- the better to race-bait their way to success. Actress Halle Berry, singer Alicia Keys, and matinee idol Barack Obama were all abandoned by their black fathers and raised by their white mothers. But instead of seeing themselves as half-white, they prefer to see the glass as half-black. They all choose to identify with the fathers who ditched them, while insulting the women who struggled to raise them.[Page 7]

The media accuse Republicans of playing dirty pool, but they turn to the retarded press secretary for an attack on his former boss. [Page 118]

Bozell, gutless imbiber of leprous jackass semen he is, even went so far as to not list the full title of Coulter's book in his column, knowing full well that accusing anyone of "assaulting America" is a far more extreme insult then anything old Harry Smith had to say to the lovable muppet. It's good to know that Bozell, despite being dumber then a mother cat that offers her tit to a furry piece of coyote shit, is at least smart enough to not negate the premise of his column in the first paragraph.

"The so-called 'objective' media clearly feel threatened because they are the very liberals Coulter is attacking. If they weren't liberals, none of her mockery of liberals would bother them."

This statement is quite nearly shocking in its stupidity and 12-year-old logic. But the real hell of it is that I don't think Bozell is being dishonest here. I think he truly believes that all humanity is sociopathic. He himself is clearly unable to emphasize with anyone outside of his own imagined tribe, and so he assumes that this failing of his is universal. It seems that a lifetime of licking cockroach droppings from the bottom of his refrigerator has robbed Bozell of the ability to wish goodwill upon others.

"Oh, they might not appreciate her style, as some conservatives don't. But they wouldn't have pitched debates inside their walls about how they will savage her in interviews — and I defy the networks to deny this — or how they would remove her from their airwaves altogether."

Never mind that temporarily losing a slot on a single show from a single network falls a bit short of removing one from the airwaves "altogether." It is firmly established that Brent Bozell is stupid enough to wrap barbed wire around his dick and call himself a pair of car keys. Yet even I wouldn't have dreamed that he would be dumb enough to create an opening like this:

But they wouldn't have pitched debates inside their walls about how they will savage her in interviews — and I defy the networks to deny this

Brent Bozell weeps nearly to the point of suffocation whenever he runs out of Portuguese infants to rape- and I defy him to deny this.

Brent Bozell can't bring himself to touch his wife unless she "screams and begs just like that bitch I killed in Little Rock"- and I defy him to deny this.

In revenge for refusing to let him steal her hydrocodeine, Brent Bozell once beat a ninety year old woman to death with one of her own great-grandchildren, whom he later ate in boiled semen broth-and I defy him to deny this.

Brent Bozell still thinks the Rickroll is funny- and I defy him to deny this. But first we move on.

"It's easy to run down a list of inflammatory liberals who are welcomed on the TV morning shows. Start with Kitty Kelley's wild "investigative" books on the Reagans or the Bushes. Or Michael Moore's kooky conspiracy theories. Or Al Franken suggesting Karl Rove and Scooter Libby should be executed over Plamegate. (NBC's Matt Lauer and his off-camera crew laughed at that.")

Apparently Bozell loves getting reamed in the ass by power so much that he considers hyperbolic mocking of authority figures to be as bad as violently slandering half of the American populace because of how they vote.

But when Ann Coulter speaks, the brass knuckles come out. In 2007, Coulter was heavily criticized for joking that she couldn't talk about John Edwards, since an ABC actor was forced to apologize for saying "faggot" at the Golden Globes. Liberals were furious. Coulter responded by saying next time, she'd echo Bill Maher and just wish Edwards died in a terrorist attack. Elizabeth Edwards then denounced Coulter for suggesting she wanted her husband dead. Harry Smith invited Mrs. Edwards on CBS, offered her brief softballs and let her verbally whack Coulter with a bat.
Smith is an enormous hypocrite. He completely ignored vicious remarks by Mrs. Edwards just days before, in accepting a "Rage for Justice" award, that the Bush administration was waging a class war that compared to slaughters in Darfur:
"The White House has led the charge against working people, in their own class war. The late, great Molly Ivins once wrote: 'If there was class warfare, that war was long over. And it was a massacre ... a genocide to which there have been words of acknowledgment, as there have in Darfur, but as with Darfur, no meaningful action.'

Mr Bozell, I know that the sight of a prepasted toothbrush in front of your eyes causes you to soil yourself in confusion over what to do, but surely you realize that to call John Edwards a "faggot" or to use that term as a generic insult against every individual, is to demean all gay men, and is in no way equivalent to a harsh attack on a president's policies. On second thought, never mind. You probably don't have the slightest clue that this is so. Your failure to run the Ghostbusters out of business has clearly left you blind and embittered, and there's really no hope for you.

You may have in the past wondered why liberals go on about latent or unconscious racism and sexism. It is a highly sketchy subject to be sure, but if you were to ever ponder why white men in western societies are much more likely to personally identify with authority figures more than other people, the subject becomes much less sketchy, and indeed provides a pretty good explanation for a lot of things.

Brent Bozell is a perfect example of this. Every absurdly moronic assertion made in this column carries an air of self-importance that couldn't possibly be justified by anything. It is the sort of exquisite nonsense that could only come from one who believes that he was born important. I hate to be the one to break it to you, Mr. Bozell, but President Bush neither knows or cares who you are, Ronald Reagan thought you were an asshole, and daddy never loved you. Now please go back to your day job of being laughed at by blind quadriplegic jenkem addicts you disgusting pig fuck toady bitch.

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