Déardaoin, Aibreán 20, 2006

Why can't we have smart plutocrats like other red states?

From the Hitler day edition of the Lincoln-Journal Star:

"Another University of Nebraska Board of Regents candidate is spending big money in his campaign, a spree that angers opponents and, given recent history, suggests he's likely to be elected."
"Jim Nagangast, an Omaha businessman, has estimated he'll spend $130,000 for the primary campaign, which runs until the May 9 primary election."
If he spends a similar amount during the general election campaign, Nagengast would become the third Omaha-area businessman recently to spend more than $250,000 for a run at the unpaid position of NU regent."
(Moving On)
"Like Hawks, Ferlic, and Satan, Nagencast has nabbed the key Nebraska Right to Life endorsement"
(Skipping ahead some more)
"It's frustrating, he (Nagancast) says, that the media want to focus on Hergert's own impeachment and his own campaign spending instead of his platfoem, which includes more on-campus housing at the University of Nebraska at Omaha.
Nagancast recently unveiled the 'Nebraska covenant,' a plan to use private money to help more low-income students attend college without costing Nebraska taxpayers.
Not a single television camera or news reporter showed up at his news conference.
(End Article)

MEMO:
From: Mr. Heartland
To: Nu Board of Regents and Canditates thereof
RE: Stop Kidding yourselves

Good day gentleman, I'll try to get to the point an hold your attention. None of you will ever be governor, and you're not heading to Congress any time soon either. Your brilliant schemes to earn name recognition on the board of regents will; shit, I was going to write something really clever there, but all I really have to do is write, "your brilliant scheme to earn name recognition on the board of regents."
So, Mr. Nagancast, you're upset that your "Nebraska covenant" failed to ignite a media brushfire. You don't get out much, do you? Feel free to dig through the archives of either the Journal-Star or World-Herald and try to find a front page article on the board of regents that doesn't include the words "Hergert" "impeachment" or "disgrace to Nebraska."
You see, gentlemen, nobody pays attention to a university board of regents unless there is some sort of old-school Boss Tweed scandal involved. You have chosen a poor venue in which to show off your conservative peacock feathers. The only people who keep an eye on the Board of Regents are Commie/Faggot types who care more about integrity and pragmatism than Americanism, Godliness, and manliness.
For those of you already on the board, I'm afraid it's too late for you. There is nothing for you to do except give up any tragic dreams of higher office you may still have. Twenty years from now; when some young turk sees you trying to debate allocations for the U.N.K. groundskeeping crew without weeping, you may serve as a warning against making the wrong choices in life and still be of some benefit to humanity. For those running for the board or considering doing so; consider yourselves warned. Your money would be better spent putting your name on an underwater weight room for the football team. If your seek high political office, the formula is simple. Flood the airwaves with your face, mumble something about loving Jesus, and pretend to live in a small town. But please, keep your filthy fucking pig hooves away from anything that carries the name of my university.

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