Dé Domhnaigh, Aibreán 16, 2006

The further adventures of Madame Drunkenhonky Mc'Jew.(She is going to die)

I got to know the woman a little better last night, and I take back every half-hearted nice thing I said about her. The woman is fucked, fucked, fucked. Fucked like a man who got ran over by a combine. She was cut off by sir Hall after dropping her drink and giving only a drunk giggle as reaction. We needed to physically remove the drink from her hands and than spent half an hour trying to convince her that it was for the best. She apparantly doesn't consider herself drunk unless she is compleatly incoherant and dead to the world. I've been there before, and I would not still be here if I was still there.

Be advised that the following account is not exagerated in any way:

After this went on for awhile (IMMM NOT DRUUNNK, I UNDyERRSTANND EVVERYTHING THATS GOYING ONN AWOUND ME) she seemed to have come around. It was then that a gentleman put his 40 oz. on the porch and went inside to take a leak. Ms. Mc'Jew got up. ran to the bottle , and started chugging the bottom half of the Miller High-Life 40. Me and the owner of the beverage restrained her and tried to take the bottle away. She responded by BITING MY HAND AND THREATENING TO PUNCH ME. We stared at each other for five minutes. We reminded her that she would have to let go of the bottle to punch me, and that her host had told her to stop drinking. This was very simple logic, but it did not lead to more drinking for her, so she rejected it. Eventually, I was the winner of the standoff. Ms. Mc'Jew signaled her acceptance by weeping uncontrollably. Somebody arranged to take her to wherever, and the night ended anti-climaticaly.
It is actually quite a rare thing to run into a truly broken person. With the clarity of daylight and sobriety now filling my mind, I am filled with; shock, real, sincere, shock. I can not believe this shit happened. The sight of her litterally popping up and charging toward the bottle, it was like watching an unleashed puppy run into traffic. Mc'Jew needs to be locked up: Victorian Era alcoholism treatment, complete with snake and devil halucinations. Failing that, she should be mocked and made to dance by random passerby for little airplane shooters of cheap vodka. If this fails, communist re-education camp. The world must be made safe for moderate drunkeness.

2 comments:

Dan said...

goddamn.

Joshua Beran said...

You have no clue. No fucking clue.