I tried to buy a soda at Pioneers Park today with a dollar bill that had a couple of microscopic folds. I would have felt better if I had been raped by my best friend. I am a human being (an ubermensch at that) and like all humans I am entitled to perfect, unfailing obedience from all machines at all times. C.I.A. satelites are reading your bathroom porn right now, and yet no one can come up with vending machine scanners that can tell the difference between a slightly crimpled dollar and monopoly money. If the vending machine companies are that fucking worried about being ripped off than they shouldn't fucking bother with paper money in the first place,
Motherfuckers.
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