Spring Reminds me of This one Time

It was a couple years back. I was pulling out of the Super Saver parking lot when a bearded man lost control of his shopping cart and let it crash into my car. He said he was sorry and I told him it was nothing. He offered to pay to have the dents and scratches fixed and I said no need. "Are you sure?" he said, "Oh I'm sure I'm sure" I said.

Later that day I had my people trail his youngest child home from school. When he reached a stand of tall trees that one couldn't see through my people pounced upon the boy and raped him to death, recording the incident on a small digital camera. That night we broke into the home of the man who had hit my car. He and his wife were worriedly eating dinner when we seized them at gunpoint. We blindfolded them, threw them into the back of my van, and drove them to a place that you must pray to your God you never see. Man and wife were each strapped to chairs in seperate movie theaters with their eyes forced open, and I'm sure you can guess what the feature presentation was.

It was about three weeks before the wife starved to death, the bearded man needed a month. In the meantime all they had for company was the footage of their beloved child being torn to ribbons by savage pedophiles being played in a never ending loop.
When it became clear that the bearded man was finally fading away, I made had the volume in the theater cranked up to its highest possible level, so that his son's screams for mercy would fill his entire being as he entered oblivion. The incoherent sobbing of his beloved would be the moment of his eternal return. This is my bliss.