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Borat is the least funny of Cohen's characters. The new movie is funny, but not worthy of the constant, universial recitation of lines it has created. It's a shame how the interet, which was supposed to expand the culture, has instead created the opportunity for the same damn thing to be repeated through different media.

'Ali G' got old before it ever really made it big in the States, and that's a shame. G, like soccer and Robbie Williams, was appreciated by smart Americans who knew what was going on beyond our Godly force-field. (Well, we didn't neccessarilly appreciate Williams.) But claims that any of these things were on the cusp of going mainstream in the US were unfounded. The closest 'Ali G' came was with his HBO show, which was fucking hilarious, (wtch the Newt Gingrich interview) but never blew up in the way that Sopranos did.

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Long live the UNL English Department! Temporarily housed in the student union to make room for stadium parking! Go big red!

Betty

Betty did what she liked
Because her father did what he liked with her
come inside, come inside,
It can't hurt anymore

Betty made friends for the drugs
She cried when her friends told her so
No one was terribly concerned
about the marks
She made on herself

Betty moved out at 17
She might as well have
Mom was dissipointed but
She had a grandchild
To worry about
Truth be told
She had given up on Betty long ago

What keeps Betty out of Jail?
Propriety
what keeps Betty off the streets
Boyfriends,
Parents,
Money


But he'll kick her out soon
She can't stand
even an hour or two alone
The daily amount
That most enjoy
She'll give you anything
To avoid

And the man can't take this
He's not a laughingstock
as long as he has a young trophy
at home
Everyone else has a dead-end
job too after all
but they still have
things that will disgrace

So Betty will be sent out
back to her homw town
Don't worry too much
She is too smart
and not proud enough
to work the streets
She'll go back home
or find some other
man in her home town
She will indulge and
be indulged
Until
she's one of those women
sitting at the bar at the Alamo
smoking a long Rodger's
Playing the machine

She will suffer,
Don't think she won't suffer
When she drinks too much
and some boy isn't quite
so drunk,
that he lacks balance
she will suffer

But, she will
survive?
No, persevere
and
and...
it won't seem to be
so bad
and
no one expects her
to fix the holes already there
and
she will manage not
to become
completely unacceptible and
every now and again
when she wears a smile
and dances
she will be allowed to
shudder
and moan
while she is still
dressed and sober

She, cannot,
of course, be
allowed into
any of our lives
We met this girl
in school, perhaps,
more than met
but we have real lives
now, she was never
meant to be a part of this

and she understood.

Opium dreams

I dreamt I had five late college assignments and that I'm dying of fever.
Nothing exotic, just an pnumonia fever.
I must lack imagination.
What else am I supposed to say?
By the fanged harlot of the east I was aroused
yay, the whore of China did hold me in her bosom.

It's a nice way to spend a Sunday
the Jets beat the Patriots
it was a good game

Oh what terrors from
this exotic
demon whore

Token conservative throws fit

This would be Stacy Van Zuiden, columnist for the Daily Nebraskan. Our student paper takes the only liberal editorial position of any publication in the state. Like any responsible publication, however, it does allow dissenting voices. One thing I've noticed is that, while the liberals on the DN's op-ed page don't sound much different from the "professionals," (When not writing about masturbating with a shower head) the conservatives can get, a bit bratty.

Yesterday Marco Brown; a law student who spent much of last year concocting a theocratic version of American history in the paper, wrote a letter to the editor complaining about biased endorsements and editorials. Let me repeat that; a law student, of apperently above-average intelligence, made a public complaint about biased opinions.

Which brings us to Van Zuiden. While most "professional" conservative writers found solice in the fact that many of the Democrats making up the new majority are of the Ben Nelson variety, Van Zuiden turns only to the cold embrace of hatred to find comfort. She is clearly among the crowd that actually believed that the right would stay on top forever.

She starts off with a Nanci Polosi joke that is even lamer than the normal Nancy Polosi joke.

"I just finished putting 'I love Nancy Polosi' iron-ons to all of my shirts. Hooray for Democrats!"
"Actually I'm a liar, I would burn all my clothes before I would consider having people associate me with anyone in the new Democrat leadership"

Oh snap. It's good to know that there are some Republicans who really do fear "San Francisco liberal" Pelosi, and wern't just pretending for campaign purposes. Why is Nancy Pelosi evil? I don't know, and obvious as this may seem to the right, apperently neither does the rest of the country. Of course she is from San Francisco, where hash and homos are shamefully tolerated. Shockingly however, the GOP failed to convince the public this year that good Americans demonize huge chunks of their fellow Americans. And by the way dear, it's the Democratic leadership.

Please is someone could give me one comprehensive plan that any democrat espoused this election, let me know. quite simply, If I hear we should "stabilize Iraq qand than leave" uttered from the lips of another human being, I will not be responsible for my actions."

Perhaps we should wait another five years to be greeted as liberators, or just stick to plan one. Invade Iraq, have a few fake elections, send a few thousand kids to die, and never leave.

"Let me now remind you. Republicans have been the party of the people and for the people, preventing Democratic control of at least part of Congress for over a decade and holding seven of of the last 10 presidencies. That's power. The kind you would expect from a party who had its finger on the pulse of the public."

The second part of that statement is true enough I'm afraid, and of course power is a moral good unto itself that is worth bragging about. As for party of the people...

Sure, Republicans are wondering what went wrong, and that can be healthy, but you can't help but blame an impatient and irrational electorate. Iraq's not fixed right now and therefore, Republicans must go.

Attacking the voters themselves is the ultimate taboo. I give credit to Van Zuiden for breaking it. When we liberals called Bush voters a bunch of dumb hicks, we were called sore losers, but I suppose that's not the same thing as calling them impatient and irrational. The Iraq war has barely even lasted as long as World War II. It's only been three and a half years since his Majesty declared mission accomplished, how could people be so impatient?

My faith in god's soverignty and the splendor of democracy are much bigger than anything the new Democratic Congress can have up its sleeve.

Well, God is soverign over whatever he choose to be, isn't he. And if you choose the correct religion, than that gives you soverignty over those who choose the wrong religion, does'nt it?

As for the splendor of democracy, don't even pretend to believe in it. It's bad enough that the right wing insults American civilization by attacking san Francisco, New York, or any other filthy city that dares to reject their apperently obvious truth. It's bad enough that they insult American education and free thought by demonizing college professors, artists, and philosophers. If they stuck to only these groups, they could at least still claim to love the majority of the country, the heartland. White, Christian folks with three kids and a mini van. these are the people that the "party of the people" claimed to be of. Now we see that there are some right-wingers who won't think twice about attacking the white middle class if they dare to reject them and their failed excuse for a government.

The party of power worship.
the party of treating democracy as a politically-correct indulgence to be grudgingly tolerated.
The party of morality police and patriotism police.
the party of contempt for the most interesting aspects of its own civilization.
The party of protecting the people from themselves.

Yeah, it can be healthy to wonder about what went wrong. If the GOP continues to arrogantly present itself as America incarnate, we can expect more bitch-fests from losing conservatives in 2008.

We did it!!!

I have nothing clever to say, not right now. I just want someone to hug, I am not even joking. Any claim that those bastards had (the hard-core right, not all Republicans) that they were America incarnate, that their hatred of disagreement made them better Americans than me and all of the "riff-raff", homsexuals, minorities, uppity women, "hippys" it's all dead. Go ahead and rail against San Francisco, Boston, the liberals, the feminists, the illegals, rail agianst the unamericanism of 60% of America. We have had enough. Go back into your fucking holes and let the 21st century take over.

Hell, fucking, yes!

Election night

awww shit, things are looking good. If we (we?! Jesus, get a hold of yourself man.) win Congress I swear to Jehovah I'm going to fucking pole dance right infront of GOP headquarters. If nothing else, both Pete Rickitts and Rick Santouriom have gone down in flames. My vote for Ernie Chambers was not some misguided, petulant act of rebellion and as for mister "The right to privacy doesn't exist."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAH! BITCH!

Bush visits Grand Island

I heard some UNL students today wondering aloud how a visit by the president is supposed to "pump up the base." Well kids, I'm afraid it does work. Conservatives, you see generally have a positive, at times very positive, view of authority. They tend to think that history is moved by great individual supermen who are either followed or obstructed. A right-winger typically sees nothing wrong with considering a politician to be a personal leader and quite frankly does'nt care much for those who think that this is wrong.

Now why is this the case? I would say that it's because of repressed homoerotic leather-slave fantasies, and maybe you agree. But in the end, it doesn't matter why. Scott Kleeb will lose.

Friended by a cam-whore on MySpace: God bless the 21st century

This is Eseniya. I'm afraid that I can't subscribe to her site, I don't have a credit card, and even if I did, the site is still a little too tame for the internet. What gives? No "18" year old Asian girls, no death by horse dick, no unbirth? I'm afraid that you will have to try hared than that, miss 29 year old from Indianapolis. Though I do approve of your unambiguous pro-big cock agenda.

College Football goes post-modern

As a Nebraskan, it sort of hurts to say this, but college football has started to take on the same generic look as the NFL. Why is the case? I don't know if there is any specific cause, I only know the symptoms.

We all know that the Wishbone and other forms of the triple-option are dead. what casual fans don't realize is that pass-happy offenses like the run-and shoot are also passe. No program is philisophically commited to running or passing the ball. Nebraska claims to run a "west coast" offense in order to impress recruits. But the term "west coast offense" has never meant anything, and now, somehow, it means less than nothing.

The fact is that Nebraska runs the same offense that everybody else does. That is, they "establish the run" with handoffs straight up the middle. If a team doesn't run into any difficulty, they will continue running throughout the game. If they are losing in the second half, than no matter how small the deficit, no matter how much time is left, the run will be abandoned. One can look at all of the "west coast" or "multiple" offenses in Division I and find the same thing.

Furthermore, there is no variety to the running game anymore. there was a certain pleasure in watching teams concoct various ways to put for backs in the backfield. It was silly, defending against he wing-T was not terribly different from defending against the wishbone, but it was charming too.

the one exception to this rule is the improvising quarterback. Texas won a national title last year by lining up in passing formations and than letting Vince Young do whatever he liked. This brought back memories of the old game, of an offense specililizing in one thing and doing it over and over again until they won or lost. It was a big part of what made college football interesting. Watch the 1984 Orange Bowl on ESPN classic. (Nebraska vs. Miami, the failed 2-point conversion game) It was like an old gladiator contest, one with a sword and shield, one with a spear and a net, or something like that. those days are gone, both teams throw more or less the same shit at each other.

So why do I watch this game, now that it's just as predictible as the NFL? Well, I'm an actual college student, so that makes me a bit less pathetic than the truck driver from Allience bitching over sports talk radio. I also like importance of each game, and how this effects the atmosphere in a college town on game days. You don't get that kind of atmosphere when a major league baseball team plays one game out of 180. But in college football there is a really big difference between, say, 10-2 and 9-3, so the tension hangs in the air of the host city on gameday, it spreads to the streets and the squirrals, It's quite nice.

Still, I do miss the days when teams revealed their personalities in their game stratagy. In the real world, anyone with a romantic side to them is either torn to pieces or has their sentiment exploited and used against them by shysters and demogogues. sports, like movies or any other form of entertainment, is supposed to be, if not an escape, than at least a little rest from reality. It's a shame to see every team get so damned practical.

Power to the people day. :)

Remember, remember
The fifth of november,
The gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes
Twas His intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow,
By God's Providence he was catche'd
With a dark lantern and a burning match

Holloa boys! Holoa boys! Make the bells ring!
Holoa boys! Holoa boys! God save the king!
Hip Hip, Hoorah!

A penny Loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o cheese to choke him
A pint of beer to rinse it down
A faggot of sticks to burn him
Burn him in a tub of tar
Burn him like a blazing star
Burn his body from his head
Then we'll say old Pope is dead

Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!








Have you done your patriotic duty today? Now is the time to frighten the Catholics into accepting their place. Long live freedom!

Lincoln on a saturday

My city is a lovely place on a warm game-day afternoon. Husker fans spilled out anywhere between 7th and 27th, D st and Holdrege Street. The sound of the stadium crowd can be easily heard from my apartment, a mile away. Outstate types drinking their Bud-Light in University parking lots, with an unofficial wink and nod from campus cops. For some reason, I don't hate the visitors today. Just in a good mood I guess (Oh yeah, we won.) And warm too, 60 degrees and sunny in November, very nice.

So I'm just sitting here, lazily writing a formless something. It's not a poem, it's not a story, there is no point really.

It's just that Saturdays in Lincoln Nebraska are quite pleasant.

Complete Voting Guide

All who fail to vote as I instruct them shall be the first against the wall.

Senate: Ernie Chambers

NE Governor: Barry Richards

U.S. House-
NE Dist. 1: Brother Matt "Sledgehammer" Borgualt

NE Unicam-
46th Dist: Gary "freedom flyer" Walker (deceased)

County Assesor: If you don't know who to vote for, you are already dead.

NU Board Of Regents: Vote for the entire "free John Belot" slate

Myself, Geddy Lee, Art Bell, Superfly, Billy Jack, Neko Case, His Holiness Benedict XVI, and Keith Olbermann

Election prediction: Dems will retake house but fall short of Senate. This will be of no long term consequence, however. In 20 years the two major faction in American politics will be the American Nihilist Party and the Church of Voluntery Human Extinction. We're proud of our Black State values around here.

Barry Richards for governor of Nebraska

"Giving students over to teacher's aides with the towels on their heads and the funny speak..... I just think that's wrong" Barry Richards







'Huffing fertilizer helps me detect socialists.'

This blog enthusiastically endorses the only man with the balls to speak out against the outrage of forigners teaching at a UNIVERSity. Though some of these "teachers aides"(They're called grad students Barry, but that's alright.) have a better grasp of English grammer than Mr. Richards does (You shouldn't say folks when talking to a single interviewer Barry, but that's alright.) Like the man himself says..... It's just wrong.

I also must say that his plan to replace sales and income taxes with a "transaction tax" is truly revolutionary. How is a transaction tax different from a sales tax? Well you see, it won't just be for sales, but for every transaction and.... never mind.

It's high past time we take government out of schools and put God, ... shit, I can't even be sarcastic anymore. It's just that for some reason I like this batshit loco hillbilly racist. Somebody vote for him so that he doesn't feel too bad.

Kerry's Comment

Whether he intended to or not, Senator John Kerry told the truth. What's shocking is that such an establishment figure, a 20 year US Senator and former major party presidential nominee, would be so honest.

The fact is that the rich and educated don't join the military and don't go to Iraq. If a kid comes from a rich, respectible family, than he or she is automatically a first-class citizen, no need to contribute anything to society. Just go to college for five or six years and indulge in all the liquor and lipstick lesbians you can handle.

If one comes from a poor family, and doesn't do so well in school because the family emphesized "practical" blue collar skills over "book smarts." than the military is often the only way to avoid second-class citizenship.

There was a saying in 18th century Britain. The last line was something like "after a dog, a soldier." Meaning that the military was considered to be a last resort option in an increasingly decadent and imperialistic society.

The United States has become much like the British Empire was in the decades before it collapsed. Poor, often minority "expendibles" are sent to do the dirty work so that upper classes can rule and their children can play. I know only wild-eyed radicals would say such a thing in public, but lets be honest now shall we.

There are plenty of studies that document who joins the military and why. If you are one of the "expendibles" you can deal with the information in two ways. You can take it as a personal insult and shoot the messenger, or you can detach yourself, think about what the numbers mean, and what you can do about it. The later option may strike you as so cold or unmanly that it's not worth considering. But if you choose the former, I can assure you that the new dark age that is the 21st century will grind you into dust.

Homecoming game for a division title

Tension. feel it., if it comes close to tearing you to pieces, than you are alive.


The comforts of family are meaningless now. You have no mother, and you know very well who your father is. This father has no father himself. You have no grandfather.


Yea, when the title wave comes, ye shall be occupied. when the heavens are rent asunder ye shall not notice. When the Earth shakes itself to dust you shall pay no heed.



There is no doubt that ye shall cast all the familiar Gods, every reminder of home and hearth overboard, if it shall bring agility to the great levathian. How can it be otherwise? All who have loved have already been exterminated. Only those with the wisdom to feel hatred for their enemies; and nothing more. Only they remain.





Reader, do not think for a second that you shall survive. The very unverse shall be torn to pieces, and the entrails of reality itself exposed. Why should you think that ye shall be spared? Because you have shopping to do, meals to eat, girls to defile? Look at the stars and see if they are moved. Than realize that you are a god compared to what the stars are to ...



.....the game. Ye shall have faith in the game and nothing else. the time for delusions is long passed. You are scum.

Missouri 31-28

Correction

I posted a week ago that Dave Simpson is the former editor of the North Platte Telegraph. I must have misheard the news. The old jackass may be planning to move back to Wyoming, but as of today he's still there. And yes, you better believe he's pimping hard for Mike Greene and his baby. Sorry about the misinformation. You should be ashamed for getting your news from the internet anyway.

Bush to visit Third District

This is beyond shocking. Never mind the fact the Democratic Scott Kleeb might win (he won't, simply can't be done I'm afraid.) But the fact the the man himself is coming to the sticks is an upset in and of itself. This is the Nebraska third. I'm from those parts, the correctness of conservatism is considered beyond debate by all elements of the establishment, local news media, mayors, sheriffs, churches (of course) business "pillars." For a Democrat to pull 45% in this environment would be humiliating to the GOP.
Kleeb actually won the endorsement of the Omaha World-Herald, which simply never endorses a rookie Democrat. The local papers like the Grand Island Independent and the (shudder) North Platte Telegraph have been forced to abandon any pretense of favoring a general philosophy over a particular party in endorsing Smith. The Independent has even resorted to parroting lines from the Republican bullshit mill. Saying Smith will better protect "traditional values" "home and Hearth" you no the drill. Smith is an autotron on an almost Rickitonian level. He'll support the president, oppose the death tax, and endorse a culture of life. If you ask him a question that his nothing to do with his rehearsed message, he will tell you that he will support the president, oppose the death tax, and endorse a culture of life. In endorsing Kleeb, the World-Herald politely pointed out that there simply isn't much to Smith.

Perhaps Smith (and Rickitts for that matter) are symptomatic of what's wrong with the GOP. Once upon a time, there were republicans like Eisenhower and Goldwater who were sly, skeptical, and even entertained an independent thought or two. But it seems that the modern party's disgusting cult of authority (present since the Reagan days, made worse since 9/11) combined with fanatical demands for ideological purity (ditto) has sucked the life out of individual candidates. Now some have been reduced to hillarious absurdity as they rail against the same old boogeymen. (It's going to be a big ole homsexual, illeagal immigrant fiesta.)

As I've said, this will still be enough to win the likes of the Nebraska third. I truly believe that some areas of the interior know that they are in social decay, but would rather die than give up the delusion of moral supiriority over the filthy city. So be it.

Happy Halloween

Zombie porn, you know you want it.

The Sledge Pwns your pagan hippy ass

Actual link on officialstreetpreachers.com which appears to be Brother Matt's (The Sledgehammer) outfit, "Homosexual baby aborted". www.officialstreetpreachers.com


Oh yeah, baby.















List Of MrHeartland's damnible offenses

Liar: Yes, I've dealt with the police
Thief: Not since I stole a baby Jesus two X-masses ago
Lesbian: My approval of lesbianism is so high that I might as well be guilty
Sodomite: Does heterosexual buttsex count?
Potheads: Certainly not, tee-he
Idolaters: Well, I worship a distant, impersonal diety, so I'm probably a idoloter by ole Sledge's standards.
Drunkard: Could you be more specific?
Fornicator Oh yeah,
Potty-Mouths- You can see for yourself, he actually uses this phrase for cursing. Some of us students who came to mock him pointed out how stupid the phrase "potty-mouth" is. But he justified it with that lovely circular logic of his.
Murderer: I ain't never killed a man that didn't deserve it. (Me get treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of.)
Adulterer: Isn't this covered by the fornicators catagory? For that matter, wouldn't lesbians and sodimites be covered by that to? the Sledge has a lot on his mind.

Quotes from Matt the sledge today.
"Nietzche" was a coke head and a womanizer,
all these College students say , "Oh what a great humanist Nietzche was, Voltare was, well he's a real great humanist doing coke in hell."

Some Guy: what's wrong with feminism?
Sledge: Youknow what, you're fired, go turn in your gonads to administration right now. Be a man, a man of God. (He never did say exactly what was wrong with feminism.)


Me, In Pope Costume: My Son, I share your concerns about nonbelivers and sodimites, but I fear that without the guidence of mother Rome, you seem to have lost your wits.

Sledge: You're joking. do you know anything about catholicism?
Me: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Sledge: That's very funny, do you know anything about the pope's hat?
Me: His mitre?
Sledge: Mitre, that's it. Well the pope wears a three, leveled mitre. The first represents that he is above all the souls in heaven. the second symbolizes that he is above all the souls in purgatory. The third symbolizes that he is above all the souls on earth. The pope claims to be Christ on earth, and that's very blasphamous.
Me: He claims to be Peter, the succesor of Peter.
Sledge: Do you know what happened Peter?:
Me: Crucified upside-down, damn shame.

Sledge. That's righ, he was crucified, ............. he said we should be saints for Jesus, not for any church, not for any tradition....................... (He went on like this for a long, long, time.)

All in all, Matt is even better than last year. He even brought one of his "five beutiful children from a beutiful wife" along to spread his message of hate.

Sledge: "I have a wonderful wife, my wife submits".




Does she now?








Everyone reading this should come to the UNL city campus tomarow to see is the Sledgehammer is still here. I truly hope that you haven't missed the chance to see him in action. And if you have more spare time on your hands,go to officialstreetpreachers.com for the gaudiest, most eye burning theocratic insanity outside of the Dallas suburbs.

This guy is a truly elite asshole, right up there with Fred Phelps. Come smell the rarified air.