Mark Foley is Batman

From 1954's "Seduction of the Innocent" by Frederic Wertham

Sometimes they are shown on a couch, Bruce reclining and Dick sitting next to him, jacket off, collar open, and his hand on his friends arm. Like girls in other stories, Robbin is sometimes held captive by the villians..... Robin is a handsome athletic boy, usually showing his uniform with bare legs. He is buoyant with energy and devoted to nothing on earth or interplanetary space as much as to Bruce Wayne. He often stands with legs spread, the genital region discreetly evident.
Often times Batman ends up in bed injured, and young Robin is by his side. At home they lead an idyllic life. They are Bruce Wayne and "Dick" Grayson. Bruce is described as a "socialite" and the official relationship is that Dick is Bruce's ward. They live in sumptious quarters, with beautiful flowers in large vases, and they own a butler, Alfred. Batman is sometimes shown in a dressing gown.

So what, you ask, does Mark Foley have to do with any of this? That shouldn't be so hard to figure out. Foley is just a man with heroic instincts looking for a strapping (and apparently, strapped) young man to take under his wing.
The Greeks saw the wisdom of this. If elder father-figures offer nothing but discipline, than the boys under their direction will rebel, and seek comfort in the bosoms of filthy vaginites. If, on the other hand, these elders offer, emotional comfort, affection, and the deep physical union that only men can have with each other, than their proteges will be eternally loyal. In other words, elders should offer themselves as "daddy" figures instead of father figures.

Mark Foley is nothing but a misunderstood warrior-sage. He's obviously read the old Batman stories and understood the deeper meaning. Surely Bruce Wayne himself would be proud to wear the elephant. Or at least he would be, if the G.O.P wern't so quick to cast Foley out in reaction to the public's fake outrage. If the Republicans presented themselves as "The Party of Batman" the people will understand, and they will be rewarded in November.

While we're on the subject, please be sure not to confuse Mark Foley with Nebraska's own Mike Foley. Foley is the recently term-limited state senator from Lincoln. He is more anti-abortion than you are. He plans on riding this fact to the state auditor's office; and presumably the governor's mansion from there. There's a good chance that he will to, which is a shame. While our Foley clearly has sexual repression issues of his own; he hasn't been caught in bed with anybody yet. Fairness demands that we assume he is clean as far as that goes.







Not Mark Foley

Confusing Congressman foley with wrestler Mick Foley is already an internet cliche, but damned if it's not still funny.

Finally, I'd like to have a word with my readers. You may have noticed that I have been writing a great deal about gayness in the past week or so. Think nothing of it. I have simply been forced to address the matter by writing about athletes, Christianity, and Republican Congressmen. I assure you it says nothing about me, and I'll be glad to tell you so in person in the Bricktop bathroom on 80's night.






Not Mark Foley