Lincoln is fourth drunkest city in America

I never would have noticed.

I got the news from the LJS's new "402" section, the psuedo-hip suppliment that replaced the health and environment sections on Tuesday and Thursday, respectfully. It should be said that these sections were vastly superior to "Catty Girls Advise." but never mind.

Binge-drinking is on the upswing nationwide, especially on the Plains and especially in Lincoln. Illeagal drug use, meanwhile, continues to be much lower than it was in the 90's. Why not?

These are conservative times. The time for experimenting at the rave is long past. Now is the time for fitting oneself into the ever tightening box of acceptible belief and behavior. This process of euthanizing one's soul requires a healthy amount of anesthetic, and not the kind that the hippies use, what kind of sorrow do they have to drown, anyway?

But there's nothing wrong with a little alcohol? Alcohol is manly, American. We all reach for the brass ring so we can taste the champaign at the top, don't we?

"Hey there son, what a fine looking young man you are. Tie one on last night, did ya? That's all right. Nothing I didn't do when I was your age. Anyhow, it's game day! So how about a Coors Light with your breakfast?"










It's good to see fine young men sow their wild oats before it gets time to settle down and find a woman Just remember to use that killer instinct in the office, you'll really get ahead that way.