The Penis Full of Assholes: Year Two of The Chamberless Chamber:

Senator Tony fulton has introduced a bill banning the prescription of the 'abortion drug' RU486, via teleconference. This is a service that has been used by some women in rural Iowa, and Fulton, you see, is concerned that there are safety issues involved in the doctor not being there to give the prescription in person. He emphasizes over and over again that he is only concerned, in his words, for the safety of the MOTHER. Never mind that this scenario necessarily requires the women in question making it quite clear that they don't want to be mothers. These are women after all, and the fact that God put them here to produce men isn't for them to decide. But again, this sacred truth is neither here nor there. It's about safety you see. It is absolutely essential to the safety of the fuckmaid/man factory that the doctor be there in person, and not on the phone, for the following exchange.

Woman: I'm pregnant and don't want to be.
Dr: Oh, well, here's a prescription for RU486.
Woman: Ok thanks bye.

You can see from this example that the safety of the MOTHER would be in dire peril if this exchange was done over video or teleconference because, because........., because the truth is whatever Real Christian Americans will it to be, how many times do we have to tell you?

There is the fact that the bill allows for the husband, parents, or maternal grandparents of the MOTHER to sue the doctor who does give these little Satan pills out over the phone, or even file an injunction to prevent him from performing abortions. But again, this is in no way a means of providing for legal harassment of abortion providers under blatantly contrived pretexts. (Though what would be wrong if it was anyway? Just imagine that you're a husband in this situation. How would old Chris Columbus feel if the Savages simply pulled his flag out out of the sand and tossed it back into the drink?) It's simply about ensuring the safety of insolent sluts who WILL be Mothers goddamnit. And Senator Tony Fulton is in no way a slimy shithouse rat.

In other news, Governor Heineman has apparently taken issue with former Lincoln Mayor Don Wesely's work with a unicam lobbying firm. Apparently the governor shares my own and many others' concerns about former politicians going into the lobbying business and the corrupting influence this may have on.....

No wait, he was only mad that Wesely was representing the Humane Society for a time. You see the HSUS has caused a small stir in Nebraska recently by suggesting farmers might perhaps consider improving the conditions of farm animals; and by extension this required suggesting that not only is it possible for farmers to cause their animals to suffer needlessly, but also that it's possible for farmers to commit moral error at all. This is wrong you see, because farmers are nothing more then hard-working, salt-of the earth people trying to make a living; and also vastly superior to us decadent surfs living in town and far beyond our scrutiny.

"no Nebraskan should be working for the HSUS." says the gov. And remember, you are not legally allowed to eat in this state until you have paid homage in your particular trade wares to your local manor lord.