I was just at the Celebrate Lincoln festival, our annual ode to cultural diversity. (Now only 90% white) I happened upon the booth where the local Czech club sells snaks and knick-knacks and noticed that they were sharing the booth with... the Russians. As if this wasn't enough, I picked up a brochure advertising classes in Czech from UNL and found that they are taught by a Dr. Mila Saskova-Pierce. The fact that she is merely an associate professor is insulting enough, but the fact that she is an associate professor of Czech and..... Russian, is beyond the pale.
We Bohemians have had three great enemies in our history; the Hapsburgs, the Germans, and the Russians. It's bad enough that Czechs immgrated to the Great Plains only to have our maidens snatched away by those mass-murderering Krauts. I should be able to carry the noble genes of the downtrodden (Czech, Polish, Irish) with undilluted pride. But no, some effete, fair-haired, piss-beer drinking German had to snatch my great-grandmother, so that now I also carry the genes of the bloody hun within me as well.
But we Czechs have a special hatred in our hearts for the Russian. Just because our languages our nearly identical doesn't mean we should be associated with them. Does Prague Spring mean anything to you people? Millions of my people were forced to flee their homeland to escape the surly, rock-livered oppresors, and for what? To share a booth with the bastards? Am I going to have to get Vaclav Havel on your asses and write an incomprehensible drama in protest? Get the fuck out of our booth you giant-foreheaded slovelnly bastards!
Ah, well, at least they're not the English. At least I'm not English. I'm probably not English. I mean I am part Irish so, somewhere along the line it's more than likely that...oh hell no.
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Dear Joshua,
I agree with you that we Czechs are not Russians ( I know, since I speak both languages). The fact is that I was hired by UNL to teach Russian and, therefore, I recruit for both languages, Russian and Czech. The Czech language teaching I do in my free time. No pay. Your state - Nebraska - decided that it is not worth a the pay of a teacher to teach your ancestral language. So I decided that I can teach it as a recognition for the cultural efforts of your ancestors.
Am I only an insulting assistant professor?
I am sorry that my achievements offended your expectations; in my next life I will try to match yours.
Dr. Mila Saskova-Pierce
My sincere apologies Doctor. This was meant to be a joke to show the absurdity of ethnic identity, especially among us mongrolized Europeans. I tried to leave some clues that I was being sarcastic, but obviously, I laid it on too thick. I have no doubt that you're a fine professor.
And of course, I have no prejudice against the Russians, or the Germans, or even the English.
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