Local news grabbag.

Mr. Paul Clark, of Whiteclay fame, beat me to the http://unl.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2370609040 But I feel that I must comment on what must be the most amusing edition of the Lincoln Journal Star ever published. I'll try to keep my own comments to a minumum, actually, as the stories themselves are quite beyond satire.


(Actual photo and headline on this morning's paper.)

Parents, do you really know who’s selling ice cream to your kids?

Neither did the city.

Until late last week, just four of the people who drive 15 Frosty Treats ice cream vans serving Lincoln had received required city peddler’s licenses — and the criminal background screening that goes with them.

And several drivers, past and present, have lengthy criminal records for such crimes as assault, drug possession, attempted child abuse and concealed weapons violations.

Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady put officers on alert Friday after questions from a Journal Star reporter showed a gap between the number of licenses and the number of drivers. Since then, officers cited three drivers for selling ice cream without a license, a violation that could lead to six months in jail, a $500 fine or both.

The company moved fast, too. Eight Frosty Treats drivers were licensed Friday, although Dwayne Smith, the Lincoln Frosty Treats manager, said only four of those licensed were still with the company. And eight more drivers applied for licenses Monday; one was denied because of a 1999 felony conviction for burglary, and another application is pending.

Frosty Treats officials would not say how many drivers it has under contract here, although most of the company’s 15 vans in Lincoln are driven daily, Smith said.

The inquiry started after the Journal Star searched the criminal background of driver Geneo Johnson, whose local record dates to 1984 and includes four convictions for assault, violation of a protection order, carrying a concealed weapon, theft and burglary.

He is set to face two charges of third-degree assault and a felony child abuse charge in court Sept. 10. He was also cited Monday for selling without a license — the same day he applied and was granted a license from the city.

According to city law, applicants who have a felony conviction or have committed a “crime involving moral turpitude” within 10 years of the application date are ineligible for a peddler’s license. They can appeal if denied.

The Journal Star conducted background checks on another 15 past and present Frosty Treats drivers — 10 had criminal records; five had none.

Nevertheless, Casady said, there has never been a report of a Frosty Treats driver committing a crime on duty.

Smith said the company conducts its own background checks to protect its customers — most of whom are kids.

“If we think someone’s not OK around children, they’re not going in our truck,” he said. “We’re really safety-conscious here.”

Smith and Bill Garbez, Frosty Treats’ regional manager in Omaha, said the company tries to weed out anyone convicted of sexual offenses, child abuse or drug violations that go beyond simple possession.

“If there’s something on paper we don’t know about, we would get them out of the truck today, as we’re talking,” Garbez said. “We can’t run a good business with people like that.”

Garbez said the company pays for its drivers to get peddler’s licenses and does its best to follow the law.

But because drivers are independent contractors and not employees, he said, mandating compliance can be difficult.

“If drivers get fines, good for them,” Garbez said. “I don’t want anyone shutting down our company because of their ignorance. Driving without a permit is not something I condone.”

Two drivers cited Friday — Rabbeca Seaman and Matthew Redden, both of Lincoln — will appear in court next month for selling ice cream without a license. Neither had criminal records likely to prevent them from obtaining a license, though neither had applied as of Tuesday.

On Tuesday, there were 282 active peddler’s licenses in Lincoln.

The number of denials is “significant” but could not be quantified, Casady said.

Denials based on crimes of moral turpitude can be troublesome, he said.

“When you have a term that has no specific definition you revert to the dictionary,” Casady said. “Unfortunately, this term has a variety of meanings.”

Casady said he defers to Black’s Law Dictionary, which defines it as “a breach of community standards of morality so grave as to be shocking to the conscience of the community.”

Prostitution, pandering, producing child pornography and contributing to the delinquency of a minor would be “slam dunks,” Casady wrote in his blog Monday.

But drug offenses, fraud, child abuse and violations of a protection order are debatable, he wrote.

Casady gives final written approval for all peddler’s licenses. But the task is largely delegated to his staff because of the volume of applications.

“When someone makes them cringe,” he said, “that’s when I hear about it.



Now, it's no secret that ice cream person is a rather bottom of the barrel job, reserved for those with too many DUI's to be pizza boys. I know that Lincoln is not a booming metropolis, but, cmon, front page?

Some thoughts from concerned online readers:

" I've always thought that adults who want to drive these trucks are either very uneducated and incapable of holding another job, or a little creepy. I NEVER allow my son to buy ice cream from these people and I'm not sure why any parent would allow their kids to do so. "

"Those people" include drunk drivers, petty thieves, and, wait for it... PROSTITUTES.
Yes, your children are being exposed to PROSTITUTES every time they cram a creamy brown chocolate ice stick down their throats. Honestly ma, just make sure you don't give your kid more than five dollars, and unless he runs into a total skeezehead, it shouldn't be a problem.

Oh, and their are also registered sex offenders driving local ice cream trucks. But "those people" are a legitimate concern and hence, just not funny.

" We have had a bad feeling about the ice cream trucks this year ever since the odd times that they were coming through our neighborhood. 10a.m....come on and the creepyness of it all with asking the kids "do you want an ice cream little one?" Thank you Chief Cassidy, we've noticed that over the last couple weeks we haven't seen the icecream man at all which is fine by us. We'll go down the block to Dairy Queen for an icecream cone vs. buying something that is WAY overpriced from someone not even licensed to sell. "


Ah yes, creepy poor people driving by at the ungodly hour of... 10 AM?

" If you can't trust the Frosty Man, who can you trust? It's enough to make you quite eating icecream. "

Again, it's long been a well-known fact that the typical ice cream person is no priest... Oh wait.

The best part of the story has to be Chief Casady's odd standards of moral turpitude.
PROSTITUTION is a "slam dunk," child abuse is not. People have a different way of seeing things out here.

Postscript
Ms. Becky Ankenbrand was an ice cream person for a brief time, despite being a suspected terrorist. http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=25911697&postID=7766031130987030515
She currently works at an Arab restaurant. Take that as you will.

The other story I found interesting was a survey conducted by the Target corperation meant to compare the psyches of its customers compared to Wal-Marts. I decided to take the survey myself to see which giant hollowed out rock sitting in the middle of sun-baked concrete is right for me:

I am a superior person."
Um, don't you know who I am. Go back under your rock until you've learned who the beautiful people are.

"I am afraid of being rejected by my friends."
Now that you mention it,I would feel lonely if I was forced to let my servents go.

"I can be sarcastic and cutting when I need to be."
Um, don't you know who I am?

"Sometimes when I am reading poetry or looking at a work of art, I feel a chill or a wave of excitement."
Yes, I don't know if it's Goya's Caprichos or "Devaney-Zeus looking down on the team from the clouds" that gives me the biggest goosebumps.

"I don't like to waste my time daydreaming."
Absolutely not. I spend my time reading, blogging, and drinking. I just feel terribly antsy if I'm not doing something productive.

"I'm not known for my generosity."
I gave twenty cents to a vagrant the other day even though I have nothing but Mac'N Cheese for me to eat. That's no joke. I'm not bragging, just saying.

"Poetry has little or no effect on me."
Only an idiot has a general opinion on the entire medium of "poetry", "movies" or "paintings" Are we talking Whitman or Laurus? http://laurusmagazine.com/

"I often get into arguments with my family and co-workers."
Yes, but they're perfectly justified and I'm always right.

"I try to be humble."
Fuck that. Death to the priests of the Temples of Syrinx!

"It makes me crazy when the plane isn't moving and the pilot doesn't announce why."

Well, don't just sit there. Break out your pocket knife and march towards the cockpit to get some answers.

For the record, when I need cheap shit, I usually go to the thrift stores. (Yes, I'm one of those people.) When I need something that's cheap, shitty, and new, then yes, I prefer Target over Wal-Mart. Because I am a superior person, and young urban professionals need to look the part.

And if your kids want ice cream, just take them to the East Campus Dairy. You'll still have to deal with potheads and alcoholics, I'm afraid, but PROSTITUTES are fairly rare.