World Cup

I'm sure it's the American in me, but I thought Paraguay/Japan was a good game. I really do prefer watching two pretty good but not great teams futilely having at each other over watching a great team murder a weak team with a series of beautiful goals.

Which is also why I'm glad that Spain beat Portugal. The seven that the Portuguese put past North Korea were the only ones they scored in the cup. This is a squad that was unable to do anything against anyone besides the weak, and that just offends my sensibilities; and I appreciate the Spanish for being both willing to attack good teams and be able to beat them; though they did take a couple of unbecoming dives today, which I suppose is better than the brawls or riots that are known to break out when next-door rivals play each other.

No games until Friday now. How odd.

I Have Bronchitis

A little woozy but fine thanks.

Neither World Cup game today was particularly interesting, but the game between Holland and Brazil should be, unless Brazil has just reached a level of crazy unbeatable good, which is possible. I expected them to beat Chile but not 3-nil. Nice.

But though the game was a blowout, the scene in the Nebraska Union was still a hoot. Foreign students gathered around some homies' laptop to here the game announced in their own language, the variations on "goaloaloaloaloal" heard from announcers across the globe, the Asian girl playing Meatloaf's "Bat out of Hell" on Youtube. Can't hate on the Aday man.

World Cup Notes

About our defeat I have nothing to say except; oh God damnit, God damnit so much.

I did tell you we weren't that good didn't I? Godamnit so much.

I see that Germany tore England apart while I was sleeping through Sunday morning. Good; fuck England. The English are never as good as their fans or their media think they are but still it's been a long time since they've gotten fucked up like this. I did see that they had a wrongly disallowed goal that they can latch on to as the reason they lost by three goals. Good for them. The English have never truly deserved to lose you understand, they only ever do because of the dark conspiring of a vengeful world. This game is still your personal possession England, hold on to that thought and don't ever let reality get in the way.

Goddamnit so much.

And finally Mexico, the last Concacaf team, needs to make a big comeback against Argentina, or more likely get torched the fuck out themselves. I'll cheer for them to pull off the miracle, come what may. Who else am I going to cheer for now after all?

Semifinals?

Chill the fuck out already! Team USA has a decent bracket, and this is probably the best chance we've ever had to make the semis in the modern era. But just what the hell is that worth? South Korea is the only team out of the four in our pod that I would give us better than half a chance of beating. In fact, now the you my imaginary friend have asked about that:

Chance of Team USA beating ---- (According to nothing more than the subjective mind of Joshua D. Beran)

Ghana: 50%
South Korea: 58%
Uruguay: 44%


We ain't all that yet compadres.

Last of The Group Games.

And thank God, as it turns out. Brazil and Portugal played ball a little bit but overall were basically happy with the scoreless draw. Spain and Chile started out good, with Chile going down two goals and a man before pulling one back, but than went and pulled a mini-Gijon with each other over the last fifteen minutes. This is Switzerland's fault in the end, the team that beat the co-favorites in their first game but couldn't beat a mathematically dead Honduras today. So at the end of their game Chile gets the message that the Swiss needed two goals in the last ten minutes (to beat Chile out GD) and that they looked not remotely capable of getting them; and so lo there was philiad among the nations.

Of course, the fact that today's results set up two regional derbies; Brazil vs. Chile and Spain vs. Portugal, teams that all involver would love to play and beat on this stage, probably also had something to do with their decisions to lay back. I can understand, but I don't have to like it.

In other Cup news, it's wooden Spoon time!

25. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
26. Italy: 2 pts. -1 GD
27.Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
28.Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
29. France: 1 pt. -3 GD (1 GS)
30.Honduras:1 pt. -3 GD (0 GS)
31.Cameroon:0 pts. -3 GD
32.No.Korea:0 pts.-11 GD

North Korea's three losses and negative eleven goal difference make them officially the worst World Cup team since Saudi Arabia in 2002. I would write something snarky about that here, but there is very little doubt that all of those men are going to die. They and their entire extended families are all going to hellishly die. And I am no monster to joke of that.

Congrats Japan!

Yeah, that's right, I went to cliche town. But You know, some things are cliches merely beacuse they never stop being funny.

Sic Semper Circumvenios!!

Slovakia 3-Italy 2

Seriously though, this is insane. I believe this is only the second time that the defending champion has gone out in the group stage, the other time being France in 02, though France has always had the tendency to go from very good to kind of shitty in a stunningly short amount of time, even with the same core group of players. This is different, this is Italy. This is the country that would be on top of the world soccer mountain if they had won the shootout against Brazil in 94; and even though this team was getting pretty old, shit like this simply doesn't happen to Italy, ever.

And damn what a game too! Four out of the give goals came in the last twenty five minutes, with the last two coming within seconds of each other in the last five. Once Italy went down by two and had no choice but to go on balls-out attack they showed themselves to be perfectly capable of doing so, why they actually, prefer to play such a hyperdefensive, melodramatic, conniving, diving and temper-baiting style... well there's been theories written on that which make sense to me, and in this particular cup at least they got burned for playing that way.

Though I can't cheer too hard for the uppity peons who broke away from their rightful Bohemian masters, they'll have to play the Dutch in the second round, and I don't see them getting any further than that; but maybe, they played their hearts out today.

On a side note, maybe this is a sign that their shouldn't be any more World Cups in Europe. There were some snickers that 'giving' a tournament to Africa was an act of political correctness, but really the action does seem to be better when played away from the power centers and the weight of home crowd expectations. I think the combination of Western-style rationality and nationalism is bad for the game, leading to something akin to a World War I reenactment on the pitch; dirty and brutal, and it tends to reward the most dour and Machiavellian teams, Italy hoisting the cup in 06 being of course the obvious example.

But anyway, since Italy has now only failed to advance but finished last in their group, how do they compare to the other fourth-place teams in the ultimate battle for the bottom? Well, they're going to crack the top thirty I'm afraid.


16. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
17. Italy: 2 pts. -1 GD
18.Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
19.Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
20. France: 1 pt. -3 GD

More World Cup Notes

So it's Ghana for us in the second round, a chance I guess to get revenge for being knocked out by them in 06, but not really. We played like shit in general during that cup, (with the odd exception of a good fighting draw against the eventual winners) were outplayed by the Ghanaians in that game, and while it's true there was a controversial call that went against us, we still deserved to lose it.

And in regards to controversial calls there is some grumbling that we Yankees are especially persecuted in that regard, that the disallowed goals against Slovenia and Algeria are part of a conspiracy spawned by the wider worlds resentment of American power and wealth. Though one can never say never, this is probably bullshit, and the persecution claims probably have more to do with jingoism than any real plot against us.

The truth is that bad calls happen in every sport, and with the low-scoring nature of this game, it's simply an unfortunate fact that bad calls have a greater chance of affecting the outcome; and though FIFA has repeatedly instructed referees to give the benefit of the doubt to the attack on questionable goals, it seams that the low-scoring nature of the game has affected their psychology. They simply can't seem to shake the feeling that allowing an iffy goal is more "activist" than disallowing it.

Certainly it would have been less stressful for us if we had gotten the win against Slovenia and the early Dempsey goal against Algeria that we deserved. It would have been great to rack up 7 points and record for prosperity that we have indeed been one of the best teams of the tournament at this early stage; but as of right now I am wholly unwilling to trade that for the ecstasy of Donovan saving us from oblivion, and I don't think I ever will be. We've made it. We have topped the group and so in practical terms done as well for ourselves as we possibly could have.

In other news, they keep a total table for everyone in the cup you know, first through thirty second. I'm not sure why, given that the structure of the tournament, eight knockout groups followed by a single-elimination bracket, means that its not only possible but common for a team with a better record to officially finish lower than a team that lucked out in the group stage, "won" a game or two on penalties, and so made it a round further. But it's interesting all the same, so I guess that might be why they do it.

So with the third set of group games now halfway through, here's a look at how the last-place finishers in groups A-D compare in the race for the wooden spoon.

13. Serbia: 3 pts. -1 GD
14. Nigeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (3 GS)
15. Algeria: 1 pt. -2 GD (0 GS)
16. France: 1 pt. -3 GD

Cameroon, North Korea, and Honduras still have a chance to go for the gold and lose all three games. Though I'm probably not alone in cheering for France to come out on top in this race after their twelve days of weak-ass nonsense. Should be a thrill.

YEAEAEAEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The game was three hours ago now, I'm still so fucking happy!

In Other News

I caught a glimpse of one of the network morning shows today, CBS I think, doing a segment on the supposed plague of "sexting". The so-called expert they had on there was adament in her assertion that 'sexting is real', by which I assume she meant a real problem and not a moral panic.

I remember last year when my father gave my number to a cousin I hadn't spoken to in years, (and had no particular desire to speak to) and had her send me a text. When I asked him about it later he explained that he 'knew I liked texting.' which; no, not especially. I do text. It's one of many forms of electronic communication availible to me. I text or I call or I e-mail, it's all the same. Still my father is amazed by my ability to type letters on a phone pad, using the same letter system that phones have had since long before texting or cell phones, (enabling such wonders as 1900-SEXY-TALK and whatnot) Dad is convinced that there is such a thing as a specific "texting phone", and that I have one.

So I've seen first-hand the fascination with new ways of talking to each other; the anxiety, the sense of objective novelty, the ascribing of mystical power. Most of us know about the Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" kerfuffle and maybe about the fears of commies sending subliminal commands through black-and-white televisions.

It's no surprise really that American anxiety towards new media would be expressed as good old fashioned puritanism; fear of sex and what kids are up to these days, the fear that junior is using the computer to look at the porno. You've probably heard that one out of five children is solicited by a predator online; proven bullshit, still it's held as common sense fact and serves to fuel the Constitution-busting pedophiles-under-the-bed hysteria.

The relevent question in regards to sexting is not whether or not it is 'real', it's something that I myself have done, so its existense is solipsism-proof, at least to me. The question is whether lovers sending erotic messages to each other in whatever medium is in any way remarkable.

And while there is such a thing as lovers who are too young to be lovers, this has absolutely nothing to do with the latest form of magic talking box, and so the answer to the question is; no, of course not.

World Cup

The final set of simultaneous group games is the best part of the tournament, as far as I'm, concerned, especially when watching teams that haven't yet qualified and have only partial control of their own fates. They have no way of knowing precisely what they have to do and so, regardless of the situation in their own games, they have no choice but to ignore cold pragmatism and just go. It's the only scenario in which you'll see disciplined grinders like South Korea play an end-to-end 2-2 tie that could have been 4-4. Funny how the rat-bastardness of "Nichtangriffspakt von Gijón"* ended up gracing soccer fans with the most interesting phenomenon in sports.

(* I'll let wikipedia do the explaning for me, if you don't know. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Germany_v_Austria_(1982) Suffice here to say that, while England and ourselves would prefer to top group C and so avoid Germany, Algeria would probably love to have a shot at them. And I wouldn't begrudge them that if worse comes to worse for us.)

So Uruguay vs. South Korea and Argentina vs. Mexico are the first official second-round matchups. I think the South American teams will win both, and continue the odd trend of playing as if they have the home-continent advantage while the African teams flounder. Maybe it's more of a 'home hemispheric winter' advantage?

World Cup

Okay, so North Korea did get fucked up by somebody eventually. The 66 team that beat Italy and posted the best ever-finish for an Asian team outside of Asia got the gulag treatment as punishment for being knocked out by the third-place team. Jump out of your hotel windows and make a run for it while you can boys.

The last round of games in Group H will be very interesting. If Spain (the team I picked to win it all back in December if I remember right) is held to a draw by a very good Chile team, than a Switzerland win would knock them out. Even if they do win that missed penalty by David Villa and a whole host of other shoulda been goals could come back to haunt them, as a second place group finish would probably set up a premature matchup with Brazil in the second round.

Though Portugal looked fully capable of beating Brazil in the early game, so who knows?

The Latest From Hairspray Woman

A couple of weeks ago there were several fliers around downtown Lincoln and the UNL campus. regarding Spanish drug use, U-Hauls being used for government surveillance, and the benefits of hairspray in keeping "them" away. They were put there by a fiftyish woman who is always dressed in a pink outfit, blue overcoat, and white visor. The look of perpetual terror on her face would seem to indicate that she is perfectly sincere in her beliefs and not some sort of performance artist. Here is her latest.



"AMSTERDAM'S HEALTH OFFICIALS EXTERMINATE thousands of Netherlanders in hospitals for not using drugs without advance directive papers. Obama's feds do the same.

WOMEN WERE BURNED IN EUROPE FROM 1200 to 1624 FOR BLASPHEMING WITH A MUSLEM VOICEIN
their head. In 1624 when the last of the Moslems left Europe there were no more
burning of women. The 19 Moslems that crashed into two building at 9/11 had a
Moslem voice in each of their heads. In the 8th century when the Moors went into Spain a nice Saint Oriaf brought those afflicted with voices into a church and they got well.

Don't go to a psych unit if you hear voices; they might exterminate you. Use hair spray. Wear a rosary on head, neck and undies and stay in church. Use yogurt as lotion, scalp and meals, garlic on the body, honey on head, Listerine in mouth and spray. Put white crosses on entryway of rooms and buildings and on forehead, top of a page and with your name in it as they did in 999 AD. It really helps.

In other news

Does singing along to Concrete Blond's "Joey" while on a wine drunk make me gay?

World Cup Notes

I sure many people remember the "U-R-Gay" joke from 'The Simpsons', but how many are aware that Paraguay translates into American as 'with Gay'?, as in, supportive of gay. Let this be a lesson for anyone who didn't think that Latin American 'culture' isn't awash with homosexuals and supporters of the radical homosexual agenda, as if it could possibly be otherwise in any society awash in soccer, cocaine, and so-called men sporting gigantic permed ponytails.

In other news, Italy was held to a surprise draw again today, by a New Zealand team that qualified by beating four countries with a combined population of just over one million and two hundred thirty three thousand, which would be about two-thirds the population of Nebraska, or less than one-third the population of metro Rome.

Still the Italians should be fine, and they've done this kind of thing before. At USA 94 they were part of the first and only group in which all four teams finished 1-1-1, and Italy was placed third after tiebreakers sorted the teams out. Lucky for them it was a 24 team tournament in those days, so that the four "best" third-place finishers in their groups advanced to the knockout stage. So Italy made it to the bracket and went all the way to the final from there.

In addition to the money to be had in getting bigger and better, it was incidents like that which led FIFA to expand the World Cup field to 32 teams for 98 and beyond, so that only that only the top two from each group advanced and squads would go in knowing that they would probably have to win at least one game to move on. Its no coincidence that the 90 and 94 cups, (and 86 to a lesser extent, at least until Maradona lit it up) were considered brutally defensive, while since the expansion things have improved a little bit.

World Cup

Well I noticed (But did not see, 6:30 AM American Central time, hell naw) that Germany lost yesterday partly due to a missed penalty kick, which is the sort of Cardinal fuckup that Germans never make, still I think they'll be fine.

African teams continue to falter on their home continent, Ghana could only tie a ten-man Australia, and Cameroon is the first team to lose any chance of making the knockout phase. The favoritism shown towards Australia on ESPN was pretty blatant. If they think we Yankees consider other English-speaking peoples to be blood brothers or something I think they've got it wrong, the Limeys, Aussies, and Aparthies are only slightly less Socialist than the rest of the rabble that makes up the rest of the world, so far as we're concerned.

World Cup, (After ALL That)

Okay, first the group C table:

Slovenia: 4 pts; GD: +1
USA* 2 0
England 2 0
Algeria 1 -1

* second on goals scored

So, the scenario is, we need a win against Algeria, or a draw and a Slovenia win over England, or a draw and a draw between Slovenia and England in which the teams don't score more than two more goals than we do in our theoretical draw with Algeria.

The most likely scenario, (I think, these things are getting more and more tenative) is that USA and England both win by a goal, we actually still have a good shot to even top the group.

But the hell with all of the maybies, beat Algeria and we're in, beat the team that not just 'held' the third ranked team in the world to a draw but solidly outplayed them in the first half. No fucking problem.

Still I'm optimistic. The USMNT under Bob "No I'm not dying of AIDS, why do you ask?" Bradley knows how to score, which is something new for us. We also have a knack for playing American style 'playoff' futbol, coming to life when our backs are against the wall, as witnessed in last years Confederations Cup, a couple of barely averted disasters in the WC qualifiers, and of course today against Slovenia. Plus there's the fact that we beat Egypt 3-0 at the Confed Cup, while Algeria needed to beat them in a nuetral-ground playoff in the qualifiers after deadlocking on points and all tiebreakers. It means nothing now I know.

If nothing else we can say that our team played in what was easily the best game played in the entire tournament so far, if Germany and Brazil played that kind of game in the Semifinals it would be talked about for years, and if England has another flop against Slovenia, this little number surely will be...









Ha-ha

World Cup: Koman Coulibaly

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING RAT-ASS FUCK MOTHERFUCKER!!!! IF YOU HAD CALLED THE PENALTY KICK INSTEAD OF LETTING OUR GOAL STAND ON ADVANTAGE YOU STILL WOULD HAVE FUCKED IT UP YOU SON OF A DEAD BLOATED CUNTLESS FROG BITCH!!

World Cup

Juarowned















Home-continent advantage continues to not exist. Nigeria is the first team to not just lose to Greece in the World Cup but to give up a goal to them.

Thought there does seem to be a home hemisphere advantage for the South American teams (5 wins, 2 draws, no losses) perhaps caused by not having to endure the sudden change from northern summer to southern winter.

World Cup

Okay, so South Africa is fucking dead. That's shame, always better when the home crowd is partying.